4!

It was a good past week for Civil Rights.

Out of NOWHERE Iowa, freaking Iowa, legalized same sex marriage. And today, my second least favorite state in the union, Vermont, passed same-sex marriage without a court order.

As Fag Hag said, HOLLA!

The End, Before the Beginning

I only have 44 days of work left until I start my 5-Week-Pre-PA-School-Vacation. Not like I'm counting or anything.

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to with 5 weeks of vacation. I sometimes debate whether that's too long of a break. Roommate is working straight through June and giving himself just 12 days off. Classes start July 13. But I really want to relaxxxx, and I want to be so desperately bored by the end of the vacation that I'll be ready to attack school.

So far I don't have much planned to do during my break. I want to go to Florida for a week at my grandparents condo, but I don't seem to have anyone to go with. During June I might be spending time finding an apartment, if I'm not able to get that taken care of in May. Then I'll probably spend a week getting the apartment ready to be lived in. But that still gives me 3 weeks of nothingness. That's okay though. I really do enjoy sitting and doing nothing. That might make me seem very lazy. But I see it as a gift, because there are so many people who just don't know how to sit and do nothing, even though they really need it.

Never Again

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever doing anything on Craig's List like that again.

Not the Only One

Tonight I went to the Cheesecake Factory for the first time ever with two of my guy friends. Man, they have one of the largest menus I've ever seen. I hear they're going out of business, which is too bad because I had a really great meal. I don't think I've ever had such a pretty and equally delicious meal.

As we entered my friend commented on how this place was a huge first date clich and sure enough we had the theme of the night!

About halfway through our meal two young guys sat down next to us. Generally I always assume guys are straight because of the statistics. But I heard just a hint of the stereotypical gay voice, so I listened in. Sure enough they were on a first date! Horrah! An amazing opportunity to see what first dates are like for other gay guys.

The topics touched on were family, religion, tv, friends, ghosts. One guy talked more than the other, and one seemed way more into the date than the other. Overall a fairly good reenactment of my latest date. So it was somewhat comforting that I was basically doing what other guys are doing on their first dates. Unfortunately, the guy talking too much reminded me a little too much of myself. AKA the driving force of the conversation and we all know how well that turned out. Is that a rule? That the if one guys is talking too much then it's official that he's way more into the other guy, and it's not going to work out.

Anyway, I was way into the guy who wasn't feeling the other guy. I really wanted to make some kind of move, which is totally out of the norm for me. I think it was because this guy was TOTALLY not the stereotype, and was TOTALLY cute. I don't think I would have ever hit on that guy since my gaydar probably isn't that strong. I didn't have the balls to blow up the other guys spot though. So I left Cheesecake Factory, cheesecake in hand, wondering how the hell I was ever going to meet someone. Womp Womp. I then put a posting on Craigslist's Missed Connections for the .00001% change that guy will read it and get in contact with me.

I don't plan on making a real solid effort at dating until I move, because I think I've exhausted all the resources in my current situation and I know there are many more options in the neighborhood I'm moving into. We'll see how that goes.

Roommate

I met my new roommate today. It's kind of funny (well, not ha ha funny) how I came to be roommates with him. He happens to be my co-worker's finance's sister's boyfriend. This pairing didn't happen by coincidence. Co-worker told me about her "brother-in-law" being in the same class as me and didn't really say anything negative about him. And by, "didn't really say anything negative," I mean wouldn't lead me one way or the other. By the transitive property I figured he must be okay because I like Co-worker, therefore I must like her finance and his family and anyone his family decides to date. That logic works 100% of the time. Math says so. Plus, he's a fellow PA student, so how bad could he be.

Tonight I got together with Co-worker and all other members connecting me with Roommate. Man, I love being the 5th wheel. It felt very much like being set up on a blind date, but without the promise of you know... anything. I must say that I think everyone had a really good time. We went to a restaurant of my choosing in my town and I believe it was enjoyed by all. We talked for quite a while after dinner was over, and then proceeded to walk through town and do the coffee thing.

A couple of things were decided on. One, DVR will be had because Roommate enjoys TV as much as I do. (I don't know if we actually agreed on this, but it's happening.) Our cleaning goal is that the place will be clean enough that shower sandals will remain a thing of Undergrad Past. Good start.

Since Roommate is from a far away state, I'm going to be checking out apartments with Roommate's Girl Friend. I'm just becoming best friends with everyone!

But no the fun didn't stop there. I went for the trifecta! Co-worker's Fiance and I hit it off a little too and plan on going to plenty of MLB games during my MONTH OF NOTHINGGGG. (aka 6 week period between work's end and school starting) I'm starting to debate whether the 6 weeks vacation I'm giving myself is a little much, especially since it was decided to start our lease in July and not June.

So the future is looking bright. We're both equally excited for school to start and are actually pretty compatible when it comes to studying methods (group study). Horrah for that!

The only thing that kind of sucked about the night was being the 5th Wheel. And it wasn't a matter of being the odd one out, because I become very friendly with others quickly. I feel very comfortable around all of them. It was more of the "woe is me being alone" feeling that I had after the whole night was said and done. I'll need to get over this because Roommate's Girl Friend is going to be over a lot I think. I've never had a roommate with a significant other like this, but I have no choice but to get over it.

Die Exchange

Microsoft never ceases to amaze me at how terrible it is.

Evidently, School uses Outlook Exchange for e-mail and I couldn't have been more disgusted with it. I wanted to add my School account to my Thunderbird because Thunderbird is GOD. This was just so difficult to accomplish that I finally gave up and just set up my School account to forward all e-mail to my Gmail account. This was actually what I wanted to do in the beginning but that option wasn't listed anywhere within the Outlook e-mail program. I later found a separate School website where you could have e-mails forwarded. It's all so unnecessarily complicated.

For some reason I have hesitations for relying on Google (or any one company) too much. I almost feel like it's the next Microsoft, if it already isn't. I like to spread the love around. Thunderbird for e-mail client, Gmail for my address, iCal for scheduling, Camino for browsing, Adium for chatting.

Holy Shit I'm Registered

I still cannot believe that I got an e-mail today telling me how to register for classes. I'm still in a total state of disbelief when I see things like, Name: Guy Flynn Major: Physician Assistant Studies. You'd think I had won the lotto or something. I'm convinced that this is still all a big joke. I should get over this.

I registered for classes today. It's a very light start for the summer semester. Physcosocial Medicine, Human Physiology, Professionalism & Bioethics. Basically it's like all of my favorite classes from college in one semester. w00tw00t!

What's In a Name

The saga of patients continually making up name for me continues. Yesterday I was called "Kevin" and today the Doctor called me "Chris." When Doctor called me that I literally said, "Excuse me!?" and just stared at him until he corrected himself. Evidently calling me Chris is a constant internal struggle for him. And then yesterday another woman couldn't get over the fact of how much I reminded her of someone named Stephen.

The list includes:
Brian
Chris
Marc
Brendan
Craig
George
Eric
Kevin
"That guy..."

And when I go to Panera that's always an adventure to see what name they put on my receipt. The other day they put "Grek" and my friend Ryan was "Brajan."

Then today we got a pathology report that said at the bottom, "This biopsy was discussed with G. Flynn, PA on 3/19/09." That's me! WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GET THE IDEA I WAS A PA?! I never said that. I don't even think I told them I was a medical assistant. I just answered the phone when the front desk said a doctor needed to talk to someone and I answered some questions about a biopsy and humored them when they went into the specifics.

Boy or Job?

The Hag and I had a very interesting conversation the other night. Not to long ago Hag was searching through Match.com and requiring my help evaluating EVERY SINGLE PROSPECT. She was especially needy when deciding whether to meet guys after getting e-mails from them. There had been one particular string of gentleman callers that she was more crazy about. And I don't mean that she was crazy over each of them. What I mean is that she was literally losing her mind over whether he would MARRY any of them.

The ones she was most interested in I believe I was luke warm over. She has a thing for older guys, which is evolutionary understandable, but I find them a little weird. But then there was another one, which I admittedly went crazy for. He was the best looking of the ones that e-mailed her, was an engineer and gave off the good vibe according to me. The Hag on the other hand was luke warm. I practically had to make her give him the time of day.

Long story short, they're pretty inseparable and she wants to marry him. And more importantly, I also approve.

Around the same time she found The Boy, I got into school. We've both been on our respective Cloud 9's.

The Hag also back around the time she was looking for guys lost her job. DAMN ECONOMY. And now we both of a case of The Grass Is Always Greener. Well... Maybe not. I asked her last night if she could trade The Boy for a dream job - would she? I actually said I definitely wouldn't. As desperate as I am for some companionship there is NO WAY that I would trade in 5 years of dedicating my life to getting into school for a little messing around. At least, not after looking for less than a year and $200 worth of online dating.

She on the other hand had mixed feelings. I've noticed that the one thing that can really develop a psychosis in people is being unemployed. She decided that if this relationship is for real, then she wouldn't trade spaces. But if it's only a temporary thing then she would gladly switch. Unfortunately for her that's the nature of relationships, not knowing. I guess the same could be said about me though. I'm blindly in love with the idea of being a PA, but could easily down the line realize that having a relationship is better.

I'm willing to take that chance though. It's not like I'm avoiding the idea of relationships. Currently I'm just putting off the active search until school starts and I move. Remember Guy, the whole reason you wanted PA instead of Physician was so that you could still have a personal life.

Empty Office

If I see Obama on one more magazine cover, speech podium or late night show, then I'm going to break into the Oval Office and start running the country.

[Edit:] Just heard Obama is doing the commencement speech at Notre Dame this year. That will be that day I take office.

Lofty Goals?

One of the P.A.'s at work asked me why I didn't go to med school. This isn't the first time a P.A. has asked me this, because evidently you only go to P.A. school when you're "too old" and don't have the time for med school. Does no one believe that there are perks to being a P.A. that doctors don't have?

She made the argument that she was doing the same exact thing as the physicians and making half the salary. Okay... But I'm pretty sure that I would be very happy with that P.A.'s salary. Am I kidding myself into thinking that I wouldn't like to make a doctor's salary?

On the flip side I had a physician once tell me that I should never go into medicine for the money. It wasn't because there wasn't money to be had, but because having more money doesn't make you happier. He said that he truly believed that he was no more happier with his life than the guys making 60k and then pointed to the studies that prove it. I believe it. As nice as having bucket loads of money is, I really think more money does bring more problems. I'm not interested in living an extravagant lifestyle, because it requires that much more work to maintain it.

I know that working as a P.A. is going to be a job I love. I know this because I love my job now, and would love it even more if I were one of the P.A.'s. Then I look at the doctor and wonder if I would love my job anymore because I were him. Honestly, I don't think I would. To be perfectly honest, I don't think I mind having someone else to fall back on and not being 100% liable for everything that goes on. His job requires a lot more hours, has a lot more stress and he lives a lifestyle that I'm not interested in having.

The P.A. then asked "But wouldn't you like to one day be called 'Dr. House.'" Would I? Sure, I guess. But is being called "doctor" going to change anything substantially about my job? No. I'm still going to be doing the same kind of work, and I won't have to go through the hell of med school and residency. I'm trying to develop a strong self-confidence in myself and feeling superior about yourself because you're called "doctor" doesn't help that. I want to go to a job that I love and enjoy, but I also desperately want to separate my social life from work life. That's the goal. I feel that being a P.A. makes that more possible than being a physician. I'm interested in practicing medicine, not being called "doctor."

I want to have:
a partner
a couple kids
a modest home
a luxury Toyota
cable with DVR
comfortable but not extravagant furniture
a standard trip once a year
the means to provide my kids with the schooling they need and myself with retirement

If a dual income, one being a P.A. salary, can't cover this then let me know and I'll be sure to apply to med school.

The Most Important $10 an Hour Employee Ever

Today was G-ma's funeral, but because of the snow we had to push back the burial to today (Tuesday.) I already had Monday off because that's how my typical schedule works, and I called my Office Manager Sunday to tell her I wasn't coming in Tuesday. So that's one day off. Mind you I worked Friday the day after I found out she died, which I think shocked my OM.

Today when I called to confirm that I wasn't coming in tomorrow, since I never heard back from OM. I got the secretary, but in reality she's third in command at the office. She tells me I'm not allowed to pass this message along through her, per office policy. If you're taking off you must ONLY speak to the OM, even when she doesn't return your phone calls or is in the office during business hours. She then tries to tell me OM's home number to which I say, "Listen I'm driving in a snow storm on the way to m grandmother's funeral. I can't do this right now."

I called back after the funeral and get the OM. I tell her I'm not working Tuesday because that's when the burial is and I think I'm going to take Wednesday off also cause I really just need one day off from life. She immediately starts whining. She goes on about how she already got someone to cover for me Tuesday night and that she doesn't have anyone for Wednesday night. In the past I might crumble to this and say how I'll be back right away. Not anymore. I stand strong telling her I really need a day and she continues squirming. It helps that she's acting so desperately, and that I'm leaving in May so what are they going to do? Hold this against me towards firing me? I then crumble a little and say I'll work that night 5-8PM.

This pisses me off a lot. The OM's mother died 2 weeks ago and took AT LEAST 2 days off and no one would have said anything about how long she was away. But me, the $10 an hour, lowest man on the totem poll wants to take off 2 days AND THE OFFICE GOES INTO CRISIS MODE. Firstly, how the hell did I become so important? I'll tell you how. Because we're desperate for help. We're completely understaffed in terms of medical assistants and run short even when everyone is at work. This must be kind of what the nursing shortage is like.

Secondly, they got one of the Regular MAs to fill in for me Tuesday, when there is already a Part-Timer who comes in Tuesday nights. Why can't she, the Part-Timer, just run solo? I run solo all the time. The answer can't be because she's new; she's not. And I don't care if she's not as capable as me because she gets paid the same. They pushed me hard when I first started and this Part-Timer is getting special treatment because she's incompetent. They have ZERO problem telling me when I fuck up and giving me shit even when I don't fuck up. But this Part-Timer, no one says shit to. So instead of having the Full-Timer fill in for me Wednesday they have to have her work Tuesday, basically forcing me to work Wednesday. MIND YOU: I'm going to work alone Wednesday in the same scenario that the Part-Timer would have had to worked Tuesday.

The OM better be looking out cause I'm coming in with a massive chip on my shoulder and there is no reason for me not to tell her exactly how I feel. Go ahead, fire me. I already got EXACTLY what I needed from this job. I'm sure I can go find some other job where I can make $10.50 an hour.

:-(

You know what sucks more than seeing every patient at least 40 minutes behind schedule because your boss shows up 30 minutes late to back to back surgeries that are also the first patients of the day?

Coming home to find out that your grandmother died. (Not the one I live with)

You know what's even worse? Realizing that the last thing you said to your grandmother was "Hopefully the next time I see you it'll be under better circumstances." Geez.

It wasn't that unexpected. She had very limited mobility ever since I was born, and it only got worse over the years. Her life was mainly consisting of moving between her bed and her chair for tv watching. Her family did visit her very often and luckily she did go to the family ski house with the majority of the family last Christmas break.

I'm glad she got to see so many of her grandchildren make it to college and her eldest get into grad school. Too bad I never got to see after she heard I got into school. It would have been nice to tell her what I was going to be doing and let her see how excited I am.

I hope you're at peace, G ma.
<3 numero uno.

Hmm... Money...

The shock of getting in still hasn't set in yet, but the shock of the debt I'll be in has.

I've been greatly debating whether to commute from home to school, or move closer to school. The commute to school would probably be about an hour, and it wouldn't require too much work. Drive to train station, take subway (no transfers), walk remainder. It might actually take longer than an hour since I'm estimating based off my interview commute. The rush hour commute I'm sure is worse. I use to work in Big City where the school is and I have to say the terrible taste the commute left in my mouth linger 4 years later.

The other problem with the commute comes about when I want to go home late at night. There are less trains back to Home Town, plus by the time I would get home I wouldn't be getting much sleep before heading back to school the next day.

The reason I plan on being in the city late at night is because I'm a group studier. If I go home I will never get any work done. I need to be in a library and preferably with someone else to bounce ideas and questions off of.

My hesitation is the increased amount of debt I'll produce. It'll bring the estimate cost of the entire program from about 75K to well over 100K. I guess this might be a drop in the ocean, but I'm TERRIFIED that I'm going to fail out and be stuck with debt and no degree. But hell, even if I did commute and failed out I would still have a shit ton of debt. I guess it's comfort that regardless of this decision I'm still going to fail with a shit ton of debt.

On a side note, even though I don't particularly care for Big City, I do think it's a life experience I need by living in it. So I'll probably do it.

Taking the "IM" out of impossible!

I totally got into P.A. school today!!!!!

And the school completely messed with my emotions about it.

As I clocked out at work today I said aloud for the first time, "Well I wonder if I have a message waiting for me from the school."

I looked at my phone and saw a missed call from a number I didn't recognized. The number had too many number in it, so I disregarded it as a wrong number international call.

I then got home and saw an e-mail from the school telling me that I was moved from #13 to #11. This was not pleasing because being this late after the acceptances went out I assumed there was little hope. I then saw a had another e-mail from the school 4 hours later, and sure enough it was an acceptance e-mail!

So horray for me!!!!!

Tip to Tall People

I'm tall, 6'4'' to be exact, even though I lie on on-line dating services and say 6'3'', cause that seem to be the "normal" cutoff.

I sometimes get back pain from sitting at my computer for long periods of time. One way to help this is to not sit at my computer too much. But I'm Irish, and we're a stubborn people. (I feel like ever ethnicity is considered a stubborn people.)

What have I done to help alleviate pain? I've lowered my seat alllll the way down. I'm so low that the table reaches about 4 inches below my nipple. My arms rest comfortably on the table and I think I sit straighter because of this. Screw developing back muscles.

The Numbers

I've been regressing lately. I use to tell myself I was going to let life be and not worry about things out of my control. Tonight I went crazy reading about wait lists and how many classes sizes were made of people from the wait list. This gave me hope because I saw good numbers. One schools had 50% of their class made from the wait list and another was made by 37%. I'm in the top 25%, so thing were looking okay.

Then I decided to see if the accepted students started a Facebook group. They did and I was able to see the whole thing. There are 31 members. That means AT LEAST 31 seats of 50 are filled, 62% of the class. If that number goes past 37, then that means people on the wait list ahead of me MUST reject their acceptance in order for me to get in.

There is a very good chance that there are accepted people who did not join the Facebook group. I feel like shit. I wish I didn't do this kind of stuff to myself.

[Edit:] Okay I'm a major stalker. This is already know. The internet makes to too easy. One person in the group said they "just found out" this past Monday that they were in. That is exactly 2 weeks from the initial acceptances. Generally accepted candidates are given two weeks to send in deposits. This leads me to believe that this person was chosen off the wait list. The idea that they're already taking people from the wait list is the only thing that will allow me to sleep from now until February 23-24, when I calculate the next round of wait list acceptances to be sent out.

I should be a private internet investigator.

The Power of Balls

Two stories to share today, both involving my balls.

One:
Yesterday, Boss gave me, what many thought, was an inordinate amount of shit about typing someone's allergies under Past Medical History and not recording their current medication. In my defense, Boss told me in order to "save time" just record the medications they list on the patient history form that they fill out, and the patient didn't list any medications. He specifically told me that "You know there is one important thing they don't teach you in P.A. text books. 'Don't fuck up." Okay, gezzz.

Today, we were trying to figure out what a patient had been complaining about the previous day, because we had a positive fungal culture from them and needed to give some kind of treatment. We looked at the chart and there was zero notation as to anything about a fungal culture, and it had Boss' had writing all over it. I then said to him, "Hey Boss, what's that thing they don't teach you in P.A. text books."

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!! I've got a pair.

He simply laughed and said "touché."

We later found the right chart and the fungal culture was noted in full. We never told him that he didn't actually fuck up.


Two:
Boss had just left a patient, but per usual, the patient thought of another pertinent question regarding their facial hair. The patient wanted to know if it was possible that the Rogaine was effecting it even though it was there before the Rogaine treatment started. They also wanted to know if there were any good treatment plans. I told them that the Rogaine didn't seem to be affecting it and that there really wasn't any good treatment for her specific type of hair. She accepted my answers, and left.

After the patient left Boss asked me, "Guy, what exactly do the patients think your title is." I responded, "Anything they want me to be." He laughed and noted how they accept anything I say basically because I'm a man. I generally sound very confident about whatever I say even when it's, "I don't know." My female P.A. co-worker was definitely a little pissed off about that.

I also just realized that yesterday I had an EXTENSIVE conversation about a laser hair treatment. She had wanted to speak with Boss and a medical assistant said she would get him for her. Yeah, right. There was no shot he was going to see this patient that wasn't on his schedule and also not paying for an office visit.

I walked into the room and introduced myself to this patient I had never met before. I told her that Boss wasn't available but that I would be happy to answer any of her questions. We talked about whether this was a logistically practical treatment, the effectiveness of the treatment and the data to back it up. She made her decision based off my talk with her and she went on her way. In retrospect she totally thought I was something other than a medical assistant. All of the patients initially think I'm a P.A. and just because I have a pair of balls.

13

After 3 e-mails and 1 phone call I finally got my Wait List School to tell me how the wait list works. I'm placed 13 out of 50 people. The class holds 50 in total with an additional 50 on the wait list. I am not feeling too optimistic about this school since it means over 1/5 of the accepted candidates have to reject their acceptance. My mom on the other hand seems to think this is a very good standing. I may have mentioned before that my mom recently did a Clinical Psychology PhD program and is currently in her Internship year. She said that at her program their total class size was 40 and had a 40 person wait list size and that they took many people off it. The fact that a program has a wait list that's as large as its class size is suppose to make me feel better. We'll see. 13 also happen to be my lucky number, which may sound like a weird number to be considered lucky, but it make sense.

On the other hand I feel a little more hopefully about the other program I interviewed at. I know that that program is considered a safety school for a lot of people. So even if I ranked as well on their Wait List as I did at the other school, than I think I have a pretty good chance.

Waiting is SO MUCH FUN AND SO GOOD FOR YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE!

Seconds

The theme of this week was "Second Experiences." I had my second (and final) P.A. interview interview and I also went on my second on-line inspired first date.

The interview went well like they usually do. They seemed to like my answers to a lot of things, made them laugh, etc. But I'm also 100% sure that this was a courtesy interview, so I have low hopes.

On Sunday I went on a date with someone I "matched" with online. We did the brunch thing. I had a good time, but felt that the conversation was being fueled mainly by my asking questions. He answered questions and kept up an okay conversation. We then proceeded to just walk around after cause it was nice outside, so I guess it's a good sign that he didn't run away from me. Long story short, two days later I send the e-mail saying I had a good time and would like to go out again, and I got the "I don't see thing turning into a relationship" letter. Womp womp.

I kind of wish dating was like applying to schools where you can ask "What did I do wrong, how can I improve, etc." Because we did have a good e-mail correspondence. He did ask questions then, and kept a conversation. But then the at the brunch I felt like I was doing all the work. Where was his attempt to get to know me. Maybe he did try, and I just don't realize it. I'm almost tempted to ask what went wrong? But I feel that's pointless. Maybe it was the fact that I live kind of far away from him, maybe it's cause I'm not at the right professional point in my life, maybe it's because I live with my grandparents, maybe it's my looks. It could be a combination of things, but most of them he knew before hand. So I'm at a loss. In the end I'm not going to ask anything like that because it really doesn't matter. It's not like I can change any of those things right now.

As is life. But I have to say this all kind of reminds me of how I don't get why I'm still the most stable person of all my friends. I feel like I should be having a mental break down, but I'm not. Yet...