I went into a legit depression today in the lab. That's not something that happens too often.
I was peeling and picking away at the facie surrounding my cats muscles and I just could not make anything out. I kept picking, and realized I didn't even know what to look for. I had no idea what I should be cutting away, no idea how to continue studying in general. I look at this dead animal and see nothing distinctive. The only thing that sticks out in my mind is "WTF AM I DOING HERE?!?!?"
I don't have the "it" factor required to be a science major. What that "it" factor is, I don't know. But when I look at the people who do have it, I sometimes hope I'll never have it. I see the people working in the field that i think I want to go into and I hope that I will never turn out like them. Why wouldn't I turn out like them? As I've come to realize I'm not all that different from other people. There is no reason to think that I will turn out differently.
I am coming out of college with some very strong interests though. Animal Behavior, Evolutionary Pscyh., Ethics. They're topics I enjoy reading about, enjoy talking about, things that I REALLY understand. They're things that I enjoy teaching others about, and love getting other people interested. I think this is something that have a knack for, have that "it" factor.
Who knows, maybe I can turn that into a career somehow.