Thursday, December 23, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
It seems that at my age (24) everyone is looking for a relationship. Those who are not in them seem particularly miserable about it. But then I see my peers who are in relationships, and I don't find myself filled with envy. To be honest, I know very few couples that make me wish I had what they have.
I've realized that the "relationship" people want they've created in their minds. It's as if they've been incepted with this concept that they've never seen in real life. I think an english major friend of mine once told me that the idea of "relationships of love" didn't show up until the victorian era or something. I don't know whether that's true or not, but I feel this is where people base their desire for another.
I do realize that there is a biological component to this. There is the innate desire to reproduce and stay mated long enough to rear healthy offspring. I'm big into evolutionary psychology, but I've also learned that our natural instincts are full of shit. Cheating on each other is a natural instinct. It profits you by having more offspring. Look at the animal kingdom. Everything they do is instinctive. This is what defines humans from animals. Therefore people, quit listening to your instincts.
I come from all of this happy. I realize that seems odd. But realizing that a relationship isn't actually going to make you happy is liberating. I'm not saying I'm opposed to them. I'm saying that my happiness won't be defined by one. I'm happy now without a relationship, so why can't I be forever?
I wrote this for other people to benefit from. I want people to be happy. Stop thinking that you need something just because you feel you do. Look around you. People that have what you want are often not nearly as happy as you think you would be.
The grass is always greener on the other side, but I hate mowing.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The thing I like the most about this specialty (can you even call it that) is that you're generally the first person to see a new problem. It has the highest degree of problem solving. And not only does it have a high degree of problem solving, but you also see the problem to its end. That's one of the things I hold against Emergency Medicine. You diagnose a problem but then you either admit and never hear from them again, or they leave the ER never to be heard of again. (I know that's a total lie.)
I would consider doing one of the two year commitments for loan repayment. But I'm seeing that they only offer 50k now. I could have sworn that use to be 80k. Another thing that's nice about those loan repayment programs is that you can find work in interesting places. Hawaii for 2 years? I bet I could make that happen.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Psych - Far, far commute but suppose to be a great rotation site. Was told by many to sit in on Music Therapy.
Emergency Medicine - Didn't get what I wanted and felt a little taken advantage of, but it's a <15 minute commute and I've heard it's a good site.
Long Term Care - Again, taken advantage of because I have a car. There were two sites 15 minutes from me but they give me the one 1 hour away (before traffic). Oh well, not the end of the world.
Pediatrics (ER) - Got what I asked for, for better or worse. Another really short commute at the same site I have EM. They're going to get to know me there.
Surgery - Got what I asked for. I'm at a site that has like zero students and is very one-on-one with the surgeon. Lots of OR time, again for better or worse.
OBGYN - Easy commute. Heard you don't do much. That is a blessing.
Internal Medicine - Been hearing mixed reviews about this site. I'm very happy it's one of my last rotations. I'll be better prepared for the site, which is important because I want to excel at that site. I'm hoping I can get a job offer at this site.
ICU - This is my elective. It's pure perfection that it's my last rotation AND right after Internal Medicine at the SAME hospital as Internal Medicine.
At first I was feeling taken advantage of because I said I had a car and could live with my family (which is closer to other sites). But you know, none of the sites have bad reviews. I thought it over and realized that this is probably going to be a great experience. Hopefully it means more interesting posts. I'm really excited and eager to start rotations. I feel surprisingly ready for them. My experience of working somewhere that I had no prior experience helps a great deal. I'm not afraid to interject myself, get criticized and say "I don't know."
Start date: Tuesday September 7.
Friday, August 13, 2010
I'm sorry that we haven't spoken until now. But to be honest I haven't had anything exciting to talk about this semester of PA school. Well I have become more serious about Buddhism. Maybe I'll talk about that in the future.
Psychiatry, Orthopedics, Geriatrics, Rheumatology, Emergency Medicine, Pediatrics. They've all been completed. I really stopped trying nearly as hard as I did during the rest of the year. And I mean I really didn't work very hard. I would read over the lectures a max of once. I'm sure there were topics I didn't read at all, especially Emergency Medicine and Geriatrics. I also stopped going to lecture once Emergency Medicine and Pediatrics came around. I just can't put my sanity through lecture anymore. You know what? I don't regret it at all. I'm probably going to get a B+ in Medicine III and I'm totally cool with that.
I can't say I'm really that nervous for tomorrow's test. Although I am having a hard time falling asleep tonight, so that's probably not entirely true. (I've also been sleeping until 12PM everyday and going to bed at 2-3AM, so that probably plays a role also) I haven't studied that crazily for this test. I've done well in my Medicine class the entire year. I retain the things I learn very well for the long term. I can't imagine they're going to start asking about the thing I wasn't able to learn for the short term. And as mentioned before, I haven't really been studying for tests this semester. It has yet to bite me in the ass. We'll see what happens.
After the test tomorrow I become a Clinical Year student. Should provide much better material to share with all of you. :-)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
The instructors showed a video that ran through a code a couple of times. Made it look very systematic and methodical. No big deal right? Follow the algorithm. They stressed to use that it's recommended that you carry your algorithm on you even while a practicing PA. How hard could this be?! They're telling me to carry and refer to a cheat sheet.
The class then broke into groups, but we basically were running through codes at each station. The instructors called on different people to be the team leader and use the group for their team members. I got to see a couple of classmates go through it, but no one was very confident and most were stumbling through it.
As most stories go, I then got called on to be team leader. And this is the part were you expect to here about how I crashed and burned after being put on the spot. I would then learn my lesson for being cocky and grow a little as human being.
I fucking rocked it. I set up my team no sweat. Got my ABC's down. Recognized the rhythm and ordered all the right meds and shocks. After I was finished the head instructor praised me for my job well done and said that I was on par with many cardiologists that he teaches.
I basically had a repeat performance with the other two groups. The token hard ass physician instructor called on me to be team leader once. He picked me out after talking about how easy it is to see what people are doing wrong when you're not the team leader. He really thought he was going to get me when the EKG was a Second Degree Type 2 heart block. I got that shit. I knew I got his approval when all he said at the end was "Good work. You're off the hook."
Thursday, July 01, 2010
There is a new advertisement on TV that attacks Accutane making claims that it gives your Chrone's disease. I challenge those lawyers to show me the evidence based medicine behind that. Accutane is a MIRACLE drug. This is no exaggeration. Cystic acne is a horrible, life scarring condition. I had it and treated it late. My face shows the damage. I've worked in dermatology. I know there is NOTHING the touches the results Accutane produces. The only lasting side effect I have from Accutane is dry lips. I'll fucking take it. My aunt and uncle went on Accutane 30 years ago. They're perfectly healthy. My uncle has even donated part of his liver. THAT'S HOW HEALTHY HIS LIVER WAS AFTERWARDS.
Anyone who's reading this, I ask you not only to have a positive view on Accutane, but advocate for it to stay on the market.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Evidently if I run for more than 2 weeks then my knee give me the finger. I'm walking like a 90 year old man with horrible arthritis. I'm dependent on NSAIDs and I don't like it. Until my knees feel absolutely fine without NSAIDs I'm on a running hiatus. I have no idea what I'm going to start doing for aerobic exercise. Boooooo
Monday, June 21, 2010
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
I'm gay. (That makes like 2 people total here, right?) I use to consider myself a Republican, but then realized current Republicans weren't actually Republican. So I have no real party affiliation or team bias. I've never served. I could give my religion, but don't see how that's relevant since we live in a country based off secularism. As a side note, being "secular" doesn't mean being godless or without morals. It means being respectful of all people regardless of their personal beliefs.
I understand where these disapproving people come from when they say, "I don't want gays checking out my junk." That's fair, you're uncomfortable, and women and men have always been split apart. You want some mutual respect. My response is that I don't understand why women and men need to be split apart. Aren't they all adults on a mission? IDK - I've never served so maybe I'm missing something here. When I'm seen as a patient, or seeing a patient I don't care about gender. But if it's really that big of a need to split men from women, then yes it should be done by sexual orientation also. Men have rights too.
Outside of this living condition situation I think it's ridiculous that gays shouldn't be able to serve openly in the military. What part of being gay is a hinderance to service? Oh, it makes some good old boys uncomfortable and they make up a large percentage of the military? I dare say that a number of people felt just as uncomfortable next to blacks when they started serving without segregation. People are different. Get over it. You would be shocked that you might actually like and respect these people.
As for whether homosexuality is a "lifestyle choice" or not - does it matter? If people don't approve or respect me because of my "choices" then so be it. It's not like I have to approve of you either. I'll still show you respect. I'm not touching the "sin" aspect because that is purely up for interpretation based off you religion.
Which leads me to this last ridiculous question about being gay and a Christian musician. Believe it or not, there are sects of Christianity that don't believe homosexuality is a sin. Crazy I know. They're the same groups that also believe in evolution, women's right and that slavery is out of fashion. What is this world coming to.
To people who support gays via DADT: Why are heteros allowed to talk about their families and spouses and maybe daresay occasionally their sexual desires, while gays aren't allowed to express anything similarly? I listen to my straight friends talk all day about their raunchy desires. If I say "I want to see Prince of Persia simply for Jake Gyllenhall," then damn(!) let me get that off my chest! It's not like I'm humping your leg!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Saturday, May 01, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
She then went from that topic to asking if I think it's okay for girls to call back guys. (Random...)
She then asked if I was still gay. (More random) She thought that since I'm around so many girls that I must have turned straight by now. Her cultural background traditionally doesn't quite understand (read as: approve of) homosexuality. But this is a common trend in her life. She often doesn't understand her own desires or behaviors, let alone others'. As introspective as she thinks she is, she generally comes up from the depths of her mind empty handed.
She then said that she knew what she was doing about medical school, but wasn't ready to tell me. She said this without me asking about medical school. I told her she didn't have to tell me, but that she obviously wanted to since she brought it up on her own. Evidently she's planning on going to Cuba and was very afraid of my reaction. I don't even know why she would care. I barely ever speak to her and haven't seen her in real life since working with her.
The conversation only got stranger from this point. In fact it was so strange that I don't think I can even summarize. It basically came down to me calling her out on not living in reality. She gets so caught up in the future, that she's not seeing the world around. I went a little Buddha on her ass. All she thinks about is the "dream life" that she wants. Now I'm all about having goals and such, but you can't become that blinded by them. I truly believe that she's going to be miserable going through this process and that the outcome isn't going to be what she suspects it to be.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm all that successful at Buddhism. But then I see people like this, and I realized how far along I really am. I try to help her "see the light" but it's difficult. How bodhicitta of me.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
So I was asked to take part in this mentor project and I eagerly agreed! I love mentoring people. Back in the day I wanted to be a psychologist because I love talking people through life issues. I'm good at helping putting things into perspective.
This new development has really made me happy and gotten me out of my finals depression.
I can't believe the grade I got. I practically copied what someone else did and they got 15 more points than me. With this grade I have a 97 average and I mean that's only 3 point away from not getting an A. There is no reason someone shouldn't get an A in Clinical Application. But you know I really don't care that much about grades.
OMG. STFU. The entire class doesn't want to hear you go on and on and on about your passing grade. Grades don't matter. Your grades especially don't matter to me. And don't tell me you don't care about grades when all you do is bitch about your grades and compare them with other students'.
I was one of the people who failed. I'm fairly indifferent about this. Grades really don't matter when it comes to getting a job. I definitely learned a lot from this assignment. I think it was a positive experience overall. I think things stick with you more when you get them wrong, and then realize why you're wrong. That's not to say that people should aim to get things wrong... But I wish some of my classmates would care more about the comments left on their paper and less about the number on the top.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
I have self-diagnosed myself with Marfans Syndrome. I didn't tell her this, but she had all the necessary information to make a diagnosis. Tall and thin with long digits, mitral valve prolapse murmur, she also thought she heard a different murmur, borderline glaucoma when I was younger, scoliosis (she did this exam but didn't comment on it), nearsighted, low muscle tone.
So when I was asked about chest pain I told her that I sometimes get stabbing chest pain over my right chest with aerobic exercise. This has been going on since HS. I've never been to concerned about it because it would go away with rest and I never got dizzy. I told her that I actually think it may be a spontaneous pneumothorax. She looked at me totally skeptical. Then I said I'm probably just a crazy PA student that over thinks thing. But I actually do think I have this since I definitely have to some degree Marfans, am a tall white male and spontaneous pneumothorax is a common complication of both of those. And it if you've had one you're more likely to have them again. It's a pneumothorax we're not talking about, not a tail growing out of my arm. They happen.
I guess since I wasn't playing basketball when I got these chest pains then it doesn't count...
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Almost every nurse I've met has given me shit about being a PA student. They all question why I would want to be a PA and "never work under your own license." Little do they know I will have my own medical license. I honestly don't even know why they care. They think that because I chose PA over RN/NP that I'm saying it's better than them. How about the fact that I was never a nurse to begin with, so why would I go through that extra training? Also, I don't want to be an RN. I never want to have to work as an RN. It's a thankless, miserable job. I respect RNs, but I definitely don't want to have to do what they do. Hell I did do what they do when I was a medical assistant. I literally had the same responsibilities as the actual nurse at my job, and it SUCKED.
So I know that I don't actually have to worry about how my physical exam is going to go. But I would really prefer if they didn't know I was a PA student. Unfortunately my pages of paper work that I need them to fill out is going to give it away.
Monday, April 19, 2010
There was one question though that I unknowingly had an advantage on.
Who is at the highest risk of contracting HIV?
The catcher (anal)
The pitcher (anal)
The pitcher (vaginal)
The catcher (oral)
Score 1 for team gay. Evidently the whole class was really thrown by the question.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I say this now...
Monday, April 12, 2010
I really have no interest in seeing any action. In fact I would try my hardest to pick the safest branch of the military possible, without having to work in family medicine. Nothing in the world could be worse that working family medicine.
When I think about the areas of medicine I'm interested in (Critical Care, ER, Hospitalist) it might make some sense. I really only want to see sick patients. I want to treat people that actually need medical attention. Clearly in the military you would be seeing this. I don't have a huge reserve for seeing patients that just like to bitch and moan and just like the idea of being sick, as opposed to wanting to know how to get better.
I'm definitely not going to rush into anything. How about we wait until a graduate and pass the PANCE. We'll see what kind of job offers I get and if I'm doing anything with my life.
There are some things we never have to perform and just need to describe such as taking femoral pulse, creamasteric reflex and anal wink reflex. They will give me full credit for describing how to do the test, but when I forget a paper clip I get no credit for describing how to perform 2-point discrimination perfectly. I guess the joke is on them since I have never successfully found a femoral pulse, yet the grade says I have.
Vent over. Be present. Be the Buddha.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Friday, April 09, 2010
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
I personally don't take part in any of these groups. I don't like being on a deadline and being held to other people's crazy studying standards. I've never even look at the Course Objectives, let alone create a comprehensive study guide for them. I also NEVER ask for study guides from people and rarely accept them when offered. There are a couple of times when I accept them because I'll offend someone if I don't. I rarely use these guides since 1. I don't trust most people in my class, 2. They are so overly in depth that I find them impractical.
I like that I still have a little House left in me.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Dearest Pharmacology Professor,
I love you. You're wonderful. And everyone agrees that you have the most smoking body post-2 children ever. I feel proficient at diabetes medications and will correct every patient's blood glucose levels that I meet. I will become a diabetes managing animal because of you.
Please don't tell anyone about my blog!
I think there is a greater likelihood of her not searching my address name and finding this site, but lets hope I don't need to self-destruct this site's ass. Not like I really write anything to scandalous anyway. My grandmother has more to lose at this point than I do.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Today my grandmother started asking me all these questions about Alli again. Would it be considered a supplement, vitamin, etc? Where would one find it? How do you spell it? As she asked all this I was assuming she was thinking about buying it for my uncle, but I decided to confirm this. NOPE. She wants to use it herself.
For those of you would don't know how Alli works: dietary fat is blocked from being absorbed and is excreted with feces. This can often lead to oily (read as: explosive) bowel movements, increased frequency, etc. It's really more of a behavioral modification tool. It's to get people to stop eating too much fat because otherwise they're going to shit their brains out.
I never meant to suggest this to my grandmother. I had no idea she would consider this for herself. I should have known better. I'm trying to think of a way to tell her not to do this. If she was one of my patients I wouldn't have an issue with this, but when it's my grandmother I feel condescending. I think I'm just going to be a straight shooter with her and tell her the gory details. I have told her the possible side effects, but I don't think she's following me. She has a hard time following me on most things.
What a literally shitty situation.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
An anesthesiologist (not the author) commented back that a PA is "no where close to being a physician and never will be." I literally laughed out loud at that. It's just such an obviously moronic comment. This is a typical example of someone who thinks that just because he went to medical school only he knows all the magic words. Guess what pal, patients are coming into office speaking accurate medical-ese. You do not have to go to medical school in order to be intelligent in a subject. In fact, I bet there are people who have gone to medical school that are totally moronic about what they're supposedly an expert of.
I think someone is a little bitter that they're never really the head of the OR, and never will be. It's okay, he can trounce on the mid-levelers all he wants. It's not going to stop me from getting a job and being happy. It will however make his life harder having a few less people willing to help him out. I hope someone points out to him that he's not the puppet master. There are no orders he can write that I have to carry out.
Humility shows wisdom.
Karma's a bitch.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Who does he think he's kidding? I know perfectly well that you don't need a few days rest after a 20 minutes treadmill workout. Clearly he doesn't take the PA profession seriously.
I also need to start caring about school again. I've been slacking majorly since starting this semester. I don't care about having high grades just like the faculty has stressed to us. But failing your oral presentation because you were too lackadaisical is totally unacceptable. And that OB/GYN test was an eye opener too. However, I did end up passing it.
New leaf turned.
Monday, March 08, 2010
After thinking about it I've decided that I don't support this. Whether we like it or not gay men are a high risk group of carrying HIV. It's the FDA's job to protect the integrity of the blood bank resources, which includes using effective screening protocols. It's not as if gay men are the only people denied this option. If anything, I believe that there are groups of people that are less likely to have AIDS that are also banned.
I'm a man of science and statistics. I would be doing a disservice to my patients to be basing medical decisions often off statistics, yet saying statistics shouldn't be used as a screening tool because of it being "stereotypical." I've said for a long time that stereotypes don't come from no where. There is often a statistical correlation to back them up. I stand by my word.
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Anatomy Practical of the Pelvis and Perineum
A: My answer = uterine artery
Actual answer = vas deferens
B: My answer = ovary
Actual answer = seminal vesicle
Summary: I put male organs. The answers were female organs.
In my defense they removed all the organs inside the pelvis and I'm pretty sure you couldn't see external genitalia.
Monday, January 18, 2010
These hesitations were confirmed last night when I went out with them. As any normal couple does after a few drinks they were all upon each other. It was okay last night because there was a fourth person (who they were trying to set me up with), but I wouldn't be able to handle it alone. It wouldn't even be that it's awkward, it's more depressing for me than anything.
I don't know how deeply into my personal life I want to get on my blog, but I'll quickly share my latest match.com story. Over break I went on 3 dates with this guy and things seemed to be going okay. My only problem was that I initiated EVERYTHING. Granted he went along with anything I suggested. I'm a very good conversationalist, but I was struggling by the 3rd date. So the day after the third date I just said "hi" to him online and decided I was tired of always being the pursuer and that I was going to leave it up to him to show any kind of initiative. Haven't heard from him since. This doesn't bother me that much because it's not like I was head-over-heels for this guy. I just wish he could have at least taken the initiative to say, "thanks but I'm not feeling it." I don't like being taken for a ride.
So now I'm hypersensitive about my single life. I don't like being like this. It completely goes against the personality I thought I had. (Being House-ish) I've definitely been losing this personality more and more lately. Blaaaahhhh. It's because all my friends in school are very emotional, and touchy-feely with each other, and overall really nice people. They're rubbing off on me. Bahh humbug. This will teach me to spend my entire weekend being surrounded by my close friends who are in relationships.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
My position is definitely not an original one, but not necessarily one of the mainstream viewpoints. I think it's ridiculous that marriage is a government regulated institution. Last time I checked a marriage was generally based off religion. Marriage is traditionally the bonding of two people, under the same faith, that are going to spread their seed and consequentially their religion. Isn't this a country that's suppose to separate the beliefs of church and state.
Not only is this an example of religion's influence on government, but also government's control over religion. People are suppose to be able to practice their religion without the government getting in the way. But government gets directly involved in the practices of a religion when they determine who can get married, and who cannot. Should government really be allowed to determine which religion's marriages count and which don't?
Then what about the growing atheist population? They have no religion and will still be allowed the same "Marriage License" that those of faith get. Shouldn't they only be allowed to get Civil Unions, since they have no religion to officiate their marriage? Why don't all the Christianites ever try to stop these marriages?
Bottom line: I think marriage should be a strictly religious institution and that everyone who wants tax benefits (etc) should be required to get Civil Unions. Granted, then you'll probably have the same arguments made against Same-Sex Civil Unions, but I don't see how it could hold up. In order to have a Civil Union you must be able to procreate? What about those who don't plan, or cannot have children?
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Classes restart Monday. First topic: the breast exam. (gaaaaah)
They told us that we MUST by the OB/GYN text book. I refuse since I didn't use a single text book last semester. Let this be a lesson to anyone starting PA school, don't buy the textbooks.
They also told us to read the EKG textbook over the break. I didn't do it, but is not something I would discourage people from doing. We have a total of 4 lectures dedicated to interpreting EKGs. That is a huge amount of time. I'm slightly nervous, but refuse to spend my break reading PA things, since that's all I do when I'm in school.
Monday, January 04, 2010
This may be one of the rare cases where the movies are better than the book.