Thursday, December 27, 2007

True Story(?): Mother Knows Best

My 12 year old sister and mom went to battle today about what she should wear to the Hannah Montana concert tonight. My mom asked how dressed up she should be. To be quite honest, I don't think it makes a damn difference. I remember being young and having my mom over dress me for some Nickelodeon concert/game show thing when I was younger. And even when I was 9 I knew I was over dressed. My uncle then interjected telling us to "take it easy" and "mother knows best." I bit my tongue from saying anything, although I resented being spoken down to like that when I'm almost 22 years old.

Two minutes later what do my mom and uncle start talking about? How "crazy" their mother is, and how she has "no idea what she's talking about."

It's funny how my mom is constantly mad at me about how I treat her, but at the same time she's still doing the same thing with her parents. It would seem that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Snobby Geckos

First let's start with one of my favorite Geico Commercials:

Yesterday was the annual family Christmas Party, where the 17 cousins exchange their Secret Santa Gifts. I also exchanged gifts with my aunt. I don't really know how we came about exchanging gifts, as opposed to me giving gifts to any other aunt or uncle, but it came to be. It turned out to be Snob-a-riffic. I got The Film Snob's Dictionary. And I gave her this great Threadless tee.

The snobbery didn't end there though. Today I was reunited with my Literature and Music Snob counterpart. We went to Borders, because Barnes and Noble is far too mainstream with their Starbucks and all. I was looking for Paste magazine for my dad, since he seemed to enjoy the free ones that magically started coming to our house. He's getting a subscription to it. I also got him a subscription for The Economist. So that filled my Music and World Affairs snobs quota of the day. I also got myself some magazines; GQ, Men's Health and Skeptic, which helped fill my Health, Hygiene, Style and General Intellectual quota in one great sneer. (And consequentially my Gay quota too)

We then decided to head over to Blockbusters to make fun of the movies for rental, and possibility get one if by some slim chance we saw something we liked. While there I proved that my "gay-movie-dar" is significantly stronger than my normal gaydar. At the sight of the cover of Amnesia: The James Brighton Enigma I can be quoted saying, "What, he woke up and had to come out of the closet all over again?" My friend then looked at the back cover and told me it was about someone who wakes up remembering only that he's gay. I'm truly amazing. This can be added to my list of super powers. My other one is being able to convince others that I'm right, even when I insist to them that I'm not sure and could be totally wrong. Unfortunately for those people, I'm normally right, in the sense that I'm wrong...

We ended up renting Spider-Man3. You may think that this goes against my movie snob senses - another power on the list - but really it didn't. The reasons I chose this were multi-fold. 1. I hadn't seen it yet, and had to finally know if MJ died. *CROSS FINGERS* 2. I heard it was terrible and thought it would be fun to make fun of it throughout the entire thing. 3. My friend is in love with Spider-Man and cried at how bad it was after seeing it in theaters. I thought this posed a great chance to get back at him for harassing me at how bad the third X-Men (my love) was.

Blockbuster fucked with me though. When I opened the DVD case I was shocked to see that no, not Spider-Man3 was there, but something equally terrible. I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Enraged, I did my best Tina Fey impersonation as described by my friend. Fuming in the car I thought of what I would say to the obviously self-loathing Blockbuster employee. "How did you not notice the wrong movie in the case when you opened it to put my receipt in there? Were you angry at me because I was renting that movie? Cause I'll have you know that I'm 5x's the movie snob you are, regardless of your girth. Did you think it would be funny? Cause there is NOTHING funny about I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry!" But instead I continued with the Tina Fey impersonation and stood in line waiting to get a substitute copy, swearing under my breath.

The outcome? Yes, it was indeed one of the stupidest movies of all time, and regret picking it over Ocean's 13 - prime chance for some eye candy. Firstly, Thomas Hayden Church is a terrible, terrible actor. Every scene he seemed to grow increasingly more confused as to what he was suppose to do. How about this idea: act. I now understand why he was casted for the role of the failed actor in Sideways, because it didn't require acting.

It wasn't all his fault, though. His character Sandman is innately stupid. A guy falls into a pit of sand, where what can only be assumed to be radioactive beams are spun around him, the actual target being the sand. Through some nice graphics the nucleotides which previously constructed his DNA are replaced with sand. Why the models of DNA that I've made with sand have never become sub-par acting villains I'll never understand. Another thing, WTF was the point of that experiment. What were those scientists hoping to gain from shooting radioactive beams at sand? Radioactive sand? WTF is radioactive sand good for? Okay, I'll stop trying to make sense of a comic book plot.

Another thing to note: People with high self-esteem, and have a way with the ladies do know look like this. Peter Parker is by no means an exception.

However, I was successful in keeping myself amused by mocking the movie throughout its duration, and consequently making my friend miserable.

That's all for now. I hope everyone has some very festive Politically Correct Days!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Dear State DMV

Thank you for making it absurdly easy to change my address. You were faster, and saved me more than calling Geico! I'll work on getting you a funny British reptile. You deserve it.


Thursday, December 20, 2007


Evidently my family was dropped from our auto insurance company. How did this happen? Through sheer team effort.

1. I was in a car accident almost two(?) years ago. I wanted to link to that post, but for some reason I can't find it... Let me jog your memory. They turned across two lanes, hit me, didn't speak english, and of course wasn't licensed.

2. My dad was recently in a car accident (and I suspect more on record...)

3. My brother has been pulled over twice and has points on his license (I suspect more. And he's only been legal to drive for 1 year 3 months)

So now I'm getting my own plan cause it's cheaper, and I'm lucky enough to have my brothers on on it under me. Super. There goes that driving record.

This has helped me plan to get a job as soon as I can, so I can become totally independent from my family. It's just a matter of deciding which grandparents to live with. :-/

Observations from the Library

Girls, don't take this the wrong way. This is not me judging you as a slut, or trashy, or what not based off your clothing.


Wearing just an Under Armour top without a sports bra makes you look like a hoozy. And if you people out there are saying, "But what if she went for a run!?" That's fine. But you're obviously not going for any run in HIKING BOOTS.

Finals Week

Tomorrow I'm taking my Vertebrate Physiology test. Thank God it's not cumulative. I can't even imagine what that test would be like. Oh wait, exactly like any standardized test taken in medical school, except a 1000x's harder. I'm basically destined to get a B in that class. Not the end of the world, but not that extra boast needed to make a case to get off the wait list at that one school. I'm a B student, always have been, always will be, regardless of what it is I'm doing.

I have my Bioethics final on Friday. Haven't really studied for that yet, and I'm kind of behind on my reading. Should make cramming tomorrow interesting. Again, I'm destined for a B in that class. Which is kind of ridiculous because I'm really very good when it comes to applying ethical theories and critical thinking. I really am so much smarter than my grades show, but no one knows that unless they know me. Everyone in my classes comes to me for the answers like I'm the genius, but they all get better grades than me.

For instance, this girl was asking me to explain the trans-pulmonary pressure difference caused during inhalation. So I'm explaining what the pressure difference really means in terms of (force from particles)/(unit space). As you increase the volume of the inter-pleural space, you decrease the pressure, thus the force on the walls of the membrane. This then allows for the pressure (force) in the alveoli to have a greater effect against the membrane, aka stretch it until the force on both sides is equal. By increasing this volume of the avleovi you decrease the pressure, which allows air from outside to move down the pressure gradient from outside, blah, blah, blah. She still doesn't understand this and says, "I'll just memorize it." She will. And she'll get a better grade than me. Memorizing will get you anywhere in school. Sucks for me! When it comes to applying the information to practical use I would put money down that I would be the best of my year. Have I convinced you that I smart year? No? That's okay, none of the med schools believe me either. Fucking Grades.

Rant over.

So anyway, that's basically why I have a hard time getting into medical school. Cause I'm the shittiest memorizer ever. Comparative Anatomy is going to be a BLAST next semester.

And Jen T. - I don't know what the snow belt even refers to. The lake effect area around the great lakes? Needless to say, no, I'm not from around there.

Soon grades will be coming. I will send my updated transcript to whoever cares to see it, and the final real plans will be made. No more of this impulsive speculation bullshit. I think I'll be most likely spending the summer taking biochem and venepuncture/EKG certification programs. And then afterwards getting a job as a medical assistant and doing that for the year, while applying to PA school. I'm starting to think being a PA would be better for me. Medical school just sounds sooo miserable. And I could easily live the lifestyle I want on a PA income, and I could move on with my life soooo much faster, since PA school is two years and NO RESIDENCY!!!!


Thursday, December 13, 2007


Dear Dr. Wannabe's Academic Institute,

20 minutes notice is NOT sufficient heads up time that classes are cancelled, since some people leave MORE than 20 minutes before class starts when there is inclement weather. Get your head in the game, so that next time this is avoided.

Yours truly,

PS - Thank you for the snow day.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Family History Catching Up

Last Friday I went out to the local watering hole with a few of my fellow academic colleagues. At the end of the night we proceeded to go outside and catch a cab to our respective homes. Unfortunately, there wasn't a cab in sight. In hindsight I'm SURE there would have been another one had we waited, oh, 2 minutes. But alas, I was out with people on the track team. And since I don't live more than a mile from the bar they decided we would run home because it was like 20 degrees outside. I was totally against running because 1. I can easily handle the cold (no, not because of my beer over coat), 2. I didn't feel like making a scene by having 5 white preppy guys running through the ghetto, 3. running without arch supports is a bad idea for someone with terribly flat feet.

Needless to say, we ran. Within the first 10 steps I immediately regretted this. But I toughed it out. I generally have a pretty high tolerance for pain, and lets not forget that my pain threshold was most likely elevated due to the nights activities. By the time we got to my apartment I could barely stand. My left knee (lateral) was killing me.

The next couple of days were pretty rough. I wore my arch supports everywhere I went - including my Science Prom which was the next day. Boy were those dress shoes snug. By Monday or Tuesday I wasn't having that much pain anymore, and today I had absolutely no pain at any point of the day. Last night I even did some weightless weight-training (that's not a typo) and there was no problem at all. Today I hit the gym and started doing my typical running routine. If I had to sum that up in one word, I would choose, "ouch." If I had 4 words at my disposal I would say, "THAT MOTHER FUCKING SMARTS!!!" I decided to nix the running and instead did a painless granny power walk for double the amount of time.

I decided to look up some possible diagnoses for my problem. I came to two likely problems. The better of the two is an IT-band irritation. The worse of the two a torn meniscus. There didn't seem to be any home tests to do to diagnosis an IT-band problem. But for the meniscus they said if you hold your hand against the sides of the knee and feel a "popping," it could be a meniscus problem. So I did such, and felt a definitive protrusion, which may be considered a "popping." To double check I did the same thing to my other knee, which doesn't hurt. Nothing. There is a definite difference between the knees.

This sucks.

My plan of action is to give it a full week of no high impact exercise, which is going to really piss me off, since I just got into this running thing. If the "popping" doesn't seem to improve, and/or running still hurts I guess I'll have to schedule an orthopedist appointment. But my school also has an athletic training program, and I know that there is a class in the Vertebrate Physiology lab tomorrow. I plan on going there after class pretending to do work in the lab and in passing ask them for their insight. I'm sure glad I struck up conversation with the instructor earlier in the semester.

As for the title of the post, my family on my dad's side has notoriously horrible knees and I very much take after my dad's side. Until now I never had any problems, which is probably due to the fact that I was all that much into sports when I was younger. Regardless, I guarantee the first words out of my mom's mouth is, "Yep, those are father's family's genes for you." She blames all biological problems on them. Personally I'd rather their issues than her side's.