Tonight I opened my application for PA schools on CASPA. What is going on?!?
I don't even know how this is happening. It's so unlike me. I've been planning on medical school for so long and now I just opened a PA application file like it's nothing. Am I really just saying "YAY PA school!!!" this easily? I don't know if I like that or not.
Part of me feels like PA is such a smarter, more practical move. Practice faster, more flexibility, less stress, fine pay (especially if I'm a surgical PA), move around specialties, fewer worries about malpractice and such.
But another part of me feels defeated, or like I'm quitting. But when I look at how hard I've been working and what it has been yielding I don't know if I can handle another 4 years of that. Granted the last 2 years of med school aren't class, but you know what I mean. And then there is the miserable, miserable thing called residency. And what is it all for?
Almost all of the clinical experience I've had has been with PAs, so isn't that what I've been enjoying? And every doctor I've worked with has been miserable and told me DO NOT GO INTO MEDICINE!!! Whereas, every PA I've met loves their work and is happy and friendly.
I worry that as a PA I will never get to see any interesting cases, but is that true? I understand that the majority of the cases I personally handle will be routine work in that specialty, but that doesn't mean I won't be exposed to the interesting cases. (double negative?) It's not like the doctor would be like "Ummm, hell no you can't even look at this patients chart you're just a PA." I'm suppose to assist him even with the interesting patients. My ability to learn isn't limited because I'm a PA. I can become just as intelligent and well informed as a physician with time, just people won't respect my judgments as much. But this is for me, not others.
Even if I did go PA that doesn't mean I can't go to medical school later. If anything, this is a good way to really get into the health care field and see if medical school is really worth it. Also if I got tired of the whole medicine thing I would probably be a decent MHA candidate, right?
I think the thing that bothers me the most is that I feel this is typical of me. I get really excited about something and go so overboard preparing for it just to either fail, or realize that I'm acting like an idiot. (i.e. Starting a blog called The Future Dr. House) My parents were not exactly supportive of the whole venture. I mean they never told me not to pursue it, but at the same time I feel like they were always pointing out the negatives. I feel I would be proving them right at my expense. Errrr, but that's not really their agenda, I hope.
Then there are my friends. Today I was hanging out with all of them and I wanted to tell them that I'm thinking about changing my career goals, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm so tired of explaining what a DO was that I couldn't even imagine explaining what a PA was. I think they had some prejudices against a DO because it wasn't an MD, and I didn't want to lose face by explaining that I wouldn't be my own boss. I may not even tell them my plans until I actually act on some of them.
Most of my friends are going into the business world. One has an internship with an investment banking firm, one with a business law firm, one as an accountant, one with ESPN Radio, and another with a commodities investor who's also going to get a job with next year. I feel like being a PA wouldn't quite rank up there with them. Granted, I would still have a masters degree, which I don't think most will achieve, but... I don't know. I guess I wanted to prove myself to them with a medical degree. I'm not even that concerned with the money aspect because if any of them ever compared me to them I would drop them so fast...so fast... well, i've got nothing, but it would be fast!
I hope no one gets offended by this entry. I'm not trying to downplay the PA profession. I have great respect for PA and hope that I can become as competent as the one's I've shadowed. You just have to understand that it's not what I've dreamed of and my friends and family wouldn't have the appreciation that they should for the profession.
This is ridiculous. Why am I even worried about my friends? What do they care what I do with my life? I don't have to prove anything to them. I think I could really really really enjoy being a PA. In fact, I get excited at the idea of it. The same way I use to be excited about being a physician, just without the hesitation.
So, if all goes according to plan I'll probably end up going to PA school, which includes getting a 20 on the MCAT. This could be a good thing cause to be honest I didn't want to start my life in my late 20's.
Time to think up a new blog.
8 comments:
try your best on the MCAT.
You can go to PA school, work for awhile and then go to med school.
You could go to med school in the Dutch Antillies. That's where I've been looking. I'm an RN. I was pre-med but when my personal life was not very friendly to MCAT studying and, you know, food on the table, I went to nursing school. (Wish I'd one to PA school).
Sometimes the things we want to do get tempered by life and a different path presents itself.
Ask people about their hospital experiences... they'll tell you that the PAs and nurses took care of them, not the docs.
look at it this way: most of my friends will be employed after graduation. meanwhile, i have one relatively useless major and another completely useless major. people, especially my parents, thought i'd use my supposed intelligence to achieve financial security. i fooled them.
The one thing I learned from all of these blogs and bulletin boards, is that you can't compare yourself to others. Everyone is different, have different motivations, and their opinions and experiences won't be really valid to your own life. Unfortunately, this isn't something that can be easliy understood when reading someone's writing. I am in the same boat as you, well almost. My plan is to apply to med school this summer, but with every day that passes, I feel less and less motivated to go through 4 years of medical school, then residency. I am broke, my mom's (single parent) house is in serious danger of being foreclosed, life is short, etc, etc. I am so stressed right now, that even though I study every night for the MCAT - my mind feels fried and I don't retain anything. My fears are that I may be turning down a dream by not becoming a physician. But, you know, your life is your own and only YOU can decide what is best for you. Nobody knows you better than yourself. Don't stress too much about starting life in your late-20s - you have already started your life and are living it every day. Its all about the journey : )Good luck with whatever decision you make!
Best wishes,
Joshua H.
Admit it, you are going to P.A . school because you can't hack it on the MCAT. If you could get 30, you would be in allopath school in a heartbeat.
Amanda - thanks for you words of encouragement. We'll find out July 16th how I did on the test. I wish I could say that it was my personal life that got in the way, but that's not the case with my GPA. Hope everything works out for you.
JPH - Yeah, I really don't know if I have it in me for another 4 years of schooling. I'm getting way too burnt out by school as it is. I told a couple of my friends that I may do P.A. and they kind of looked at me with disgust, but at the same time they admitted that they really don't know anything about the situation. Just gotta do what's right for me. Hope things get better for your mom.
David - your comment wasn't totally false. The thing that initially made me consider this was because I'm not expecting a good score on the MCAT. But this wasn't my initial Plan B. The first Plan B was to just apply to P.A. school when I applied to medschool the second time around. After thinking about the matter long and hard I've decided to definitely apply along with medschool this year because of the "year off" issue. I can also honestly say that if I did get admission to a medschool and P.A. school I'm at the point where I may take P.A. over med because of a number of different issues covered in the entry. But you seem to have made up your mind on my intentions.
dude,
think about dental school. you make more, and you have the possibility of starting your own practice--something you can never do as a PA.
just a thought
huh! - Although I have a sick obsession over good teeth I would never want to be a dentist. I just don't have a real interest in dental medicine and I also have zero, zero, zero interest in running my own practice. I've always intended on getting my paycheck from someone else.
1) There's always foreign medical schools, though the path back to the US may take an extra year or two, depending, but you do get the MD.
2) Don't settle, but don't be stubborn, either. What is more important to you, a title or a good job? You can spin your wheels for a long time before getting what you want, or three years from now you can have serious earning potential as a PA compared to any medical student (including myself = $0) and you STILL have the option to go to medical school later, but with the bank account and other cushions to make the road a little easier.
3) Medical school and the doctor path needs more than "a good plan." You really, really need to want it badly because there will be so many opportunities and temptations to bug out and go home. Except you'll have the guilt of having quit and the debt to remind you.
4) Compared to the most of the working world, deciding between a PA, an MD, and a DO is a pretty privileged choice. In every case you can affect lives, make a difference and get some good coin. Don't sweat it too much.
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