To Prove to Dad That I'm Not a Fool

I'm back at school. I've been back since Tuesday. I thought that I was going to be able to plug my cable modem and internet into the wall and have it work. How silly am I? Even though I never canceled my subscription they still need to come to my new apartment to "turn things on," whatever that means. I don't remember anyone needing to turn anything on last year. They're not able to come until WEDNESDAY. I think this is a little ridiculous considering I went to see them on Tuesday. Oh well. Until then I'll just watch Battlestar Galactica on my laptop. I'm so happy I bought that on DVD this summer. NEEEEEEERD

Oh, I also have finished ALL of my secondaries. I have nothing to do now but sit and wait. But I don't think they tell you if they're not going to request an interview, so I could be waiting a very long time for nothing to arrive.

Classes start on Tuesday and I'm really pumped. Just in case you all forgot what I was taking this semester:

Vertebrate Physiology + Lab -- HORRAY LABS WITH MICE!!
Science, Medicine and Ethics -- I'm going to rock the socks off ethics, again
Human Nutrition -- An easy "A" 300 level science course? Who would have thought?
Ireland: History and Politics -- Finally going to learn something about my heritage (btw - I'm 100% Irish)

Back in the Saddle???

If anyone could go into my mind and help sort out my issues that would be great.

Over the past couple of days I've been looking at PA salaries, job opportunities at different types of hospitals, rules and regulations by state, etc. All this accomplished was make me want to be a doctor again.
God damn it.

When it comes down to it I want the autonomy that comes with being a physician. I don't want to have to run everything I do past someone else. Uggggh.

The french guy asked me if I had a 40 MCAT score and a 4.0 GPA would I still be thinking about PA school. The truthful answer is probably not. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't. He also asked if I've truthfully done everything I could in school. Have I done everything? No, because you can always do more. Have I worked my fucking ass off? Yes. I truly think that my GPA will be better after this upcoming year. And since I'll be taking a total of 6 science courses I can really swing that sci-GPA in the positive direction.

So where does this leave me? I suppose I'm gong to give these applications all I've got and even give them a shot next year if need be. Screw the one school that rejected me. They're new and need a "safe" incoming class. The other schools might be more willing to take a chance with me. I'm doubtful though. I'm still foreseeing the future being me not getting in anywhere and applying next year. But I think I'm okay with that. I won't apply to PA school this year. Next year I'll get a medical assistant job, make some money, and apply again. Ready....break!

Any bets for when when I flip flop next?

Also, viva la france! (en español)



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A Moment of Mental Weakness

Ugh, I think I'm having second thoughts about med school. (the biggest second thought in my life) I think I want to be a PA.

I want to finish this year with the easier classes and fully set for applying and getting into PA school. I want to then take my year off while applying to PA schools next year and get a job as a medical assistant at some practice. Craig's list has lots of these jobs available in my area. And I'm actually well qualified for the jobs cause I have some clinical experience and can definitely do mundane diagnostic tests because of my lab experience.

But do I really want that? Should I finish the secondaries, which I think is just a waste of money at this point?

If I can't see myself applying to med school next year should I bother this year? I feel like this whole situation is a big hint that I should get out of medical school before it's too late. Cause what if I did by some slim chance got into one of my least desirable med schools? I don't even think I would want to go to them at this point. I've totally reconsidered going to school far from home. Well, that's not entirely true. Funny enough I would still go to Ireland, but that's not an option.

What is causing this breakdown? I think medical school might be a much bigger commitment than I anticipated. 4 more years of schooling is just starting to sink in. And then a minimum of 3 years of being a poor resident after that. I want to move on with my life; not wait till I'm 29 to start it.

Maybe I'll get my sanity back next time I talk to you all.

The First Rejection

Today I got my first letter telling me that because of my science-GPA (2.77) they would not be requesting me to fill out a secondary application. The good thing, they didn't let me waste my money because they had an exorbitant secondary application fee - about 4 times more than the average. The bad thing, this was the school that my advisor told me to apply to as a total backup. I'm basically giving away what school this was, but they've yet to have a graduating class. Needless to say, this is a huge blow to my hopes of getting in anywhere.

With this slap of reality I'm reevaluating what I should be doing with my life. Some of the questions I'm asking myself:

- Should I bother filling out the secondaries?
- Should I apply to PA school right now?
- Would I get into PA school?
- Should I even go into health care?
- If I didn't what would I do after graduation?

I'm thinking that I need to basically abandon the med school thing. And to be quite frank the idea of being poor for the next 7 years (min) doesn't please me. But this is me just trying to make myself feel better. I'm going to fill out the secondaries and send them in, but I'm not putting any hope into this. And I honestly don't think I'll be that upset anymore. Well, let me rephrase this. If I go to PA school as opposed to med school I won't be upset. At least, I don't think I will be.

So this brings us to our next step: Getting into PA school.

There are a couple of differences between med school and PA school requirements. One is that many more PA schools require biochem, than DO schools. Another thing that's different is that most PA schools require A+P (anatomy and physiology). I was planning on taking Vert. Phys. and Comp. Anatomy, which are the harder courses recommended by my school for the premeds. There are some PA schools though that request that you only take A+P instead of VP and CA. Also, some PA schools require crazy amounts of documented health care experience - some as high as 1000 hours. I'll be graduating with about 135 hours, but this is enough for plenty of schools. There is also the matter of my science GPA. There are plenty of schools that require that you have a 3.0 science GPA, which I still don't have. This could very well mean that I can't apply until next year, assuming that I can raise my science GPA. Taking the easier AP would def help this effort.

I think my best plan of action is to make a list of schools and record what each of their requirements are. I'll then evaluate whether I meet the requirements for enough schools without taking biochem. At this point I'm going to try my hardest to get into AP because getting a good grade is more important at this point than taking the seemingly more impressive class. Plus, is allots me me options.

I think I'm officially a pre-PA student.

Fracking Summer Jobs

I don't care for my summer job. I sit a grimy trailer and take tennis courts reservations, give kids mini golf tickets, and listen to every adult complain about the prices and general state of the facilities. It also pays really shitty. So I've started thinking about what I could do differently next summer.

No matter whether I get into a med school or not I'm going to have some meaningless summer job. And lately the hunger to go abroad has been eating away at me. This was probably sparked by the fact that at the last pool party I threw one of my guests brought her two friends from England. Ugh, Loooondon. Then it hit me - oww! - I could have a meaningless job in London for the summer!

I started to do some research and found a program called BUNAC that facilitates students getting Blue Cards and helping them find jobs and living accommodations. The thing that I find really scary is that most people don't find places to live and jobs until AFTER they get there. Participants are required to stay in some hostel for three days and it claims most people find jobs and places to live in that time period. But they do say participants find jobs, and the program seems to be very helpful with the whole progress by having a listings board at their building.

I don't know if I have the balls for this, but I'm going to attack the opportunity with the mindset that if plenty of other people have done this, then so can I. The thing I'm most worried about is meeting people. I want a job where I become friends with my coworkers and do stuff with them. I fear that I'll go to work and come home sitting alone everyday. I also would like to meet actual British people because as silly as that sounds none of my friends that came back from studying in London made friends with locals. So I need to find a job that college students also work. I assume that I won't be able to find a place to live with locales.

I feel like a talk about doing a lot of stuff, but don't actually do anything. But I mean I did go to Italy, and went on that trip to London by myself. I think I've proven to myself that I can handle traveling. I also talked about applying to Ireland for a while and I ended up doing that too. So I guess I am capable of doing this. So the current plan for summer of '08, either London or the Amazing Race. :-/

A Waste of 225 Dollars

I recently decided to bite the bullet and, on a partial whim, apply to Irish medical schools. I say partial because I had been considering it for a while, but was never completely decided as to whether I would or not. I then chose to just do it without fully thinking it out.

"Why," you may ask. Honestly, it's more or less why not. Going into college the number one thing I wanted to do was study abroad. You don't even understand. From my freshman year of high school I couldn't wait to study abroad in Australia. I can't fully describe how hurt I was to find out that I was never going to be able to because of CHEMISTRY AND ORGANIC CHEMISTRY. (no, I don't hold a little grudge... it's a huge one) I'm the master organizer and planner, and to see some of my friends go abroad without ever seeing how it would be effecting their graduating on time killed me.

I got over it eventually. I took my short trip to London and of course my recent trip to Italy. (which is unfortunately no more than a distant memory now) You know what this accomplished? Nothing more than make me even more bitter. Bitterness is something I really need get over. This is what the old woman at work keeps telling me everyday. She's right, I know this. But since when is bitterness ever logical?

So anyway, I filled the application and sent it in. It's a very simple process thanks to our friends at The Atlantic Bridge Program. But then today I decided to see what kind of information I could muster from SDN about the schools. Long story short, these schools are by no means easy to gain admission to. And no offense to our northern friends, but why the hell do so many more Canadians gain admission to these schools than Americans?

I'm not going to allow myself to think too much about these applications. This is mainly because I hear from these programs much later than the DO schools. (First notices come in late April/early March) So it's not like I'm banking much on them. I have a much better chance at gaining admission to a DO school than these Irish schools. It'll really be a last minute change of plan if I did get into them, which now that I think about it will probably cause a huge shock to my system. At first I was having slight panic attacks at the idea of going to school in another country, but I'm over that now - mainly because I probably won't be going anyway. I'm just going to have to continue getting my travels done in the more traditional vacationing style. I wonder how long it'll be before I have the time and financial stability to do that. Me thinks at least 20 years from now. Crap.

In other news my applications have finally been sent out to the schools from the application service. My letters of recommendation? Who the hell knows. I keep e-mailing my advisor/head of the committee but I never get any responses. I can't wait to hear what his reaction is when he hears about my applying to the Irish schools. He's probably going to think I'm crazy and wasting money. You know the more I think about it the more I realize I did just waste 225 dollars. Ugh, this is why I'm never impulsive. I always wind up regretting my impulsive decisions, hence the severe lack of them.




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