Tuesday, March 04, 2008

OB/GYN = gross.

An open bucket laid at my feet. I open to it find several of dead sharks curled together in murky, green, gross water. I grab at one and as I pull up it feels like its vertebrae and separating and cracking. I decide that this is not the shark for me, so I pull at an easier one.

On its ventral (belly) side I saw some kind of protrusion, but didn't pay attention to much. I thought it was some kind of fin. I went to the sink and rinsed it off.

Well into dissection the "fin" catches my eye again. I then notice a little dark dot on it, and initially was like, "Oh wow, I had no idea that sharks had markings that gave the impression of a fake eye, and thus make predators attack the wrong end." But then I looked a little closer and realized this thing was not a flat fin. It was round. The next thing to come to mind was Lamprey. This is probably because I have the classification of vertebrates stuck in my head and Lamprey are VERTEBRATA-PISCES-AGNATHA-CYCLOSTOMATA-PETROMYZONTIFORMES!!! Ugh, the memory space lost because of this class..

I digress.

It then hit me like a tone of bricks. This wasn't a Lamprey. THIS WAS A MOTHER FUCKING BABY SHARK HANGING OUT OF THIS MOTHER SHARK'S VA-JAY-JAY! I honestly have no idea how this didn't catch my attention faster. I guess I'm kind of slow. But there is the distinct possibility that it hadn't slid out until after I had been messing around with it on the table, and that I made up preconceptions in my head.

I tell my table and they, along with the rest of the lab, explode with interest. They then encourage me to pull the sucker out. I definitely hesitated, since I have no idea how to deliver a baby shark. Basically, I grabbed the tip of it's head right between the eyes and gingerly pulled. It was a little tough at first, but eventually came out very easily. (Human women should look into somehow getting on top of this.) So we all ohh and ahh, and someone tells me to look in the hole for more. Boy were there more. Ultimately, we dissected the abdomen and squeezed out FOUR more pups, each of them covered in "yolk." One of them even had its yolk still attached and intact.

I'm not going to lie. I was legitimately grossed out by the entire thing. I only pulled out 3, and gladly allowed others do the rest since they wanted to. I think this means that I'm ill-suited for any career in OB-GYN. In general I should just stay away from vagina at all costs.

Now if I could only get my girlfriends to stop coming to me for advice about their birth control. There is only so many ways I can tell them, "I DON'T HAVE A UTERUS, AND HAVE NO EXPERIENCE WITH BIRTH CONTROL. LEAVE ME ALONE!"


tracy said...

ahhhh, baby sharks...i can't help but think, "too bad they're dead..."(of course). But, it must really have been fascinating.....thanks for the cool "tail", tracy

tracy said...

ps "....stay as far away from the vagina as possible". smirk. you's a funny one...!

tracy said...

oops, sorry, got the quote wrong...you get the idea...

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