Last year I kept a running tally of the number of schools I applied to and outcomes. I didn't do that with the PA schools. This may leave some of you feeling left in the dark. Allow me to shed a little light on my current situation.
Total number of programs applied: 18
Yes, that number is 1 - 8. States included NY, NJ, PA, CT, ME, MA, CA, MD
Total number of rejections: 10
Some of these came very quickly. Pennsylvania sent them out especially quickly. I think I only have like one active application left in that state out of 4 total. I suspect that I'm basically never going to hear from many of the remaining schools. That's what happened with most of the DO schools I applied to. I never got a letter saying what their decision was - the epitome of rude.
Total number of interview requests: 1
Yes, I know. This is really pathetic. I'm especially disappointed with this interview because I just found out I could only get a Certificate, as opposed to the Bachelors that I thought I would get. I'm not sure if this matters though in the grand scheme, since I already have a bachelors. I'm okay with the idea of getting a Masters later on in life. In fact I plan on getting it in something cool like Evolution.
Some people seem to be more frustrated with the state of things than I am. And I found out that people are even tip-toeing around the issue cause they think I might have a breakdown in front of them. This is not the case. My mental stability has been keep intact. I'm not totally discouraged, although I must admit I don't know why. I feel like I should be discouraged between the medschool and PA application saga, but I'm not. I think it's simply because I do have a job that I like.
So I wonder, do nervous breakdowns come out of nowhere or do people see them coming? The transition between applying to medschool and PA school went smoothly because I realized I wanted to be a PA. I had structure in life because there was a structured application cycle. I require structure in my life. It's the Capricorn in me. I told myself after college that I was going to stop trying to plan everything in my life, and I did, and I was happy. But I feel myself regressing back to those ways. I need to figure out wtf I'm going to do if I don't get into a program.
I feel there is no point in reapplying to PA school, unless I retake classes. To be honest, I do not want to retake classes. I just don't want to put myself through that. I don't want to work full-time and take classes. But really, it's more about retaking the classes, than it is about an overtime schedule. Some say that I should reapply simply because now I'm working full-time and have that experience under my belt, but I don't think it's enough to do the trick.
So I need to figure out my next goal. But at the same time I need to avoid the obsessive-compulsive way I use to attack things. If I go OCD again, then I will have a nervous breakdown.
I'm thinking the natural thing to go for next is nursing. There are attractive 15 month accelerated programs I can apply to. I can then go about getting an NP. But again, they require A+P and I don't want to go through that fiasco of retaking classes because they don't accept the A+P I took. Should this be the case though then I'm going to suck it up, take two months off from my job and take A+P over the summer.
Now even though going for nursing would give me a nice little goal which may keep me sane there is still the fact that I DON'T WANT TO BE A NURSE.
So when I consider the fact that I don't want to be a nurse I think about jobs I would enjoy. I do enjoy teaching biology. Should I be a HS teacher? But I don't want to have to get a masters in education. Plus, I don't know if I would actually enjoy teaching high schoolers. Teach college?
Should I try for a PhD? Thinking about this just hurts my head. Taking Subject GREs, researching school programs that I don't know anything about, and then doing research when I don't even like research. And then there is the pay which isn't what I'm aiming for, especially for a job that isn't in my first field of choice. Ugh.
Why couldn't I just have done better in school so I wouldn't be in this situation? I almost wish it was because I didn't try hard enough.