Shoot Me

My grandmother sent me out to get an ice cream cake for my uncle's birthday. She wanted something plain like chocolate or vanilla, something everyone would like. I come home with chocolate chip. She kind of freaked out as if chocolate chip was something no two people in the world could ever agree upon liking. It's freaking chocolate chip! That's as plain and boring as it gets outside of chocolate and vanilla. AHHH!!!! SHE'S CRAZZZZYYY!!!!

One more thing. This weekend there were plans to have a BBQ at my parents' house on Monday and have lasagna at my grandmother's on Monday. For some reason we didn't do lasagna Sunday and my grandmother says "Oh well we'll have it tomorrow (Monday), which is just as well because it's suppose to rain today (Sunday)." Why just as well? Were we planning on eating lasagna outside? I guess lasagna on Memorial Day is standard tradition...

15 Days

I only have 15 days of work left. I've been the moodiest bitch in the world lately. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm sure it's because I'm almost done at this place. The shit that I use to put up with so well, I can no longer stand. I also have just not been as on top of my game as I usually am. I forget to get simple things ready when seeing patients, my notes are lack luster. It's just all going down hill.

The entire office knows how many days left I have. This is mainly due to the fact that announce it many times throughout the day. Many people are upset about this. I too am upset that I'm not going to see these people every day. I like all of my co-workers and everyone seems to like me. I'm the jokester of the office and make everyone laugh. But I'm not going to miss my role in the office at all. I feel like there are always a million different people asking me to do stuff. The front desk is asking me to answer patient questions, office manager is always on our ass about doing things faster (although she's gotten better since I snapped at her), the providers are snapping at me if I'm not doing every goddamn thing that needs to get done in the room. Honestly, it's as if they want to sit on a cloud and watch from afar the medical assistant do everything. DON'T COMPLAIN TO ME BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO WRITE HALF OF THE NOTE. IT'S YOUR FUCKING SIGNATURE THAT GOES AT THE END OF IT!!!! Jesus Christ these people are so needy. I'm very interested to see what I'm like on the other side of the coin.

Senior PA often says that I make a crappy medical assistant, but will make a good PA. I don't know how much she means that though. She most recently said this because one day she asked me to call in some medication and I never remembered to do it, but in all fairness I wasn't even working with her that day. I had my own things to do, had another provider to work for and then she just gives me some random job to do. God knows that she has plenty of instances where she doesn't have any work to do and could have called in the god damn medication herself. She sits in the back corner doing online surveys for 40 dollar checks, while I never have a moment to sit around and do nothing. God I can't wait to stop working for $10 an hour.

Due Process My Ass

February of last year a got a ticket for driving while using a mobile phone. The officer told me if I pled not guilty and brought a hands-free device the judge would probably let me off. I bought that hands free device (on a drive that lead to that annoying accident) and pled not guilty to be told that I would be given a court date in about three months.

I graduated college, left that town, and sent the court a signed letter saying what my new address was and that I wanted to plead guilty.

1 year, 3 months later they finally gave me my court date in that town that I no longer live in. WTF?!?!? Where the fuck is the due process in all of this. I can't go to this court date. I just want to plead GUILTY and pay my effing penalty. What is going to happen if I don't show up to this court date?

Shoot me.

[Edit:]

My brother claims (who's had LOTS of tickets), and the DMV website suggests that if I don't show up then my license will be suspended and I will then have the opportunity to pay the fine then. I'm going to send the court a letter again trying to plead guilty. Otherwise, I'm just not going to the court date and hope I get something in the mail allowing me to pay my fine off.

5

Maine legalized same sex marriage today. You go Maine!

New Hampshire's legislative branch passed it, and it waits to be signed by the governor. Lets do this NH!

Washington D.C. City Counsel has passed the acknowledgment of same-sex marriage, but needs to pass the 30 days review period in Congress. In general I don't believe Congress generally goes against the Counsel's decisions, but this could be interesting.

A decision in New York is pending. The governor there introduced a bill legalizing same-sex marriage. The state currently recognizes marriages done in other states.

That is your gay update of the day.

I'm not THAT stupid

I checked out an apartment yesterday that I thought was too good to be true. Surprisingly, the place ended up looking just as it did in its online posting. I did not play it cool and made it quite obvious that I wanted the apartment badly. (TWENTY MINUTE COMMUTE TO SCHOOL!!!) But I did press upon him how good of a tenant I am: great reviews from past landlords, professional student, minimum year lease with probability of 26 months.

They sent me the Rent Application and I faxed it over today. They then told me that I would be getting lease papers tomorrow. horrah! But wait! There's a catch! He said I was going to be the sole signer on the lease. whaaaaaaaat?! Yeah that is definitely not happening.

I called him and long story short, I gave it to him. I told him how there is no way in hell I'm going to be held responsible for Roommate. I understand that it's in the landlord's best interest to only have one person to deal with legally, but ummmm I'm not retarded. I have to cover my own ass. He tried to act like proposing a multi-tenant lease as some unheard of idea. I then pointed out that every lease I've ever signed included every occupant, so this is not some novel idea of mine. He then changed his tune a little and said that maybe his lawyer could work something out. And by lawyer he probably meant Standard Multi-Tenant Lease from Google.

As I typed this I received an e-mail from Landlord saying that making up a multi-tenant lease was not going to be a problem and that I'll have the papers by mid-day tomorrow. DAMN RIGHT BIOTCH! I OWN AT LIFE!

Can you say shortest apartment search ever? God I amaze myself sometimes. I don't know which is more impressive, my job search last summer or this apartment search. I'm going to say this apartment search because the job pays so shitily, yet my job was the reason I got into school.

Blindsided

Cosmetic Doctor explained to a patient that to get rid of the lines on her forehead she would need botox and that it would cost $400. She was hesitant because of the cost and since it only lasts about 3 months. As she was leaving I told her to check back for specials in May because it could go on sale and in the past had gone for $150 and sometimes needed to be packaged with another procedure. She got really excited about this and even booked a microdermabrasion and laser hair removal at the front desk once she saw they were on sale.

When I walked back to the examination rooms Cosmetic Doctor said to me in a hushed voice, "Guy, don't tell patients to wait on cosmetic procedures to see if they go on sale. We want them to get them now." I gave a simple, "Okay." And I meant it. I wouldn't get involved with that in the future. Even though I have to say I was surprised since Cosmetic Doctor is always trying to give patients fair prices, something Boss Doctor doesn't.

During my lunch break Boss Doctor came in to speak to me. He told me not to talk to patients about past and future prices of cosmetic procedures and that we're trying to get them to do procedures day of. I told him I understood and that I wasn't going to talk pricing anymore. Now I'm not sure how Boss Doctor caught wind of this, but I feel Cosmetic Doctor must have said something to him. I did give him my said of the story though about how I told the patient AS THEY WERE LEAVING and that the patient became very excited and was definitely going to eat up these specials. He actually then seemed to agree with how I handled the situation.

I was shocked that Cosmetic Doctor did that to me. I had never heard him ever go to Boss Doctor about another employee. In the rooms he's ALWAYS asking me about the pricing of things and always seems shocked when I tell him about the prices we charge. I couldn't believe he was trying to get more out of the patient.

But what surprised me more: Boss Doctor later in the day APOLOGIZED TO ME for speaking to me in front of Senior PA. He said it was unprofessional and should have done it in private. I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!!! It wasn't even a big deal to me when he spoke to me about that. I come from Irish Catholic breeding. I can handle being told I did something wrong and accepting it. I can't remember a single time he ever apologized to someone for being unprofessional and he is OFTEN much more unprofessional. I'm really happy that Boss Doctor looks at me as someone that deserves respect. I started the job with Boss Doctor wanting to fire me badly, and now he's freely apologizing to me!!! This is insanity.

Dr. Pretty

I turned the corner today in the office and BAM! the gaydar went off before I could even process what the person looked like. He was hot and I of course had to listen in on his conversation with the aesthetician and nurse as he walked out. Sure enough he's an internist in the next town over, and doesn't pay for shit at our office. I definitely think I saw his gaydar go off when he looked at me. That's always fun, making the gaydar eyes at each other.

So I told the PAs about my suspicions, and sure enough the aesthetician independently said the same thing. Junior PA claimed she saw a ring on it, but neither I nor the aesthetician saw this. I still can't remember his name and just call him Dr. Pretty.

Junior PA was giving me a hard time about not pursuing my previous date any further. She thinks I'm too picky. I don't think it's fair though that I'm called picky just because I won't give people that aren't my type a chance. We have plenty of patients that I consider my type and would gladly give the time of day to. Dr. Pretty is on that list, regardless of him being 17 years my senior. That's a NSA hook up that I would jump on any day of the week.

NSA

Told the date that I wasn't feeling it. He e-mailed me back saying he wasn't feeling it either, but was always game for some No Strings Attached hooking up, since I'm so adorable. Yeah... That's not happening. I feel like a prude, and I'm sure that I am. But I'm not cool with going into a dating site looking for a relationship and coming out with hook up buddies. My desire for companionship greatly out weighs my need for the sex.

Picky?

I'm going to be moving to a city with a very healthy populations of gays, but since I'm not into actors/musicians or hipsters I seem to be at a total loss.

Today's date was ehhh. I wasn't expecting a hipster. That coupled with him being 6 years my senior led to no chemistry. While at some vintage gaming store he became nostalgic for Classic Nintendo, Sega and systems out before I was born. I stayed with the N64. Man 6 years is kind of a long time.

I'm a bitch and will never find anyone.

Getting Old

You know how I know I'm getting old? When a patient comes in and when I look at their age and realize they're the same age as me, and I'm like I THOUGHT YOU WERE 5 YEARS OLDER!!!!!

And on that note I'm going on a date with someone turning 29 soon. That's a 6 year difference! I'm freaking out a little. But god damn it, he pursued me.

And yes, this is a confirmation that I've moved on to another dating website, even though I told myself I was waiting until I moved. But OkCupid.com is 100% free and is the most fun website ever. Even if you're not looking to date you can have fun on this website.

I'm a Bad Person

It was a very light day at work today, so me, the 2 PAs ("Senior PA" and "Junior PA") and fellow medical assistant got to shoot the shit. Medical Assistant, "Z", is going to be applying to medical school this summer. She's currently a junior in college. Z could not be anymore different from me. She's idealistic, believes there are no evils in the world that cannot be overcome, thinks patients are pure souls who are totally innocent and are nothing but victims to their afflictions and, her greatest folly, truly believes you can have it all.

I regularly tell her about my friend, "L", who is in medical school and how miserable she is. L was very similar to Z in college. Absurdly driven, insanely intelligent, and pathetically innocent. My friend L, who is a Year 1 Medical Student, has been in a terrible depression lately. She has been coming to the realization that she might be sacrificing too much of her life for this dream job. She originally wanted to go into something like Ortho or Interventional Pediatric Cardiology. You know, things that require like 7 years of training after graduation. But now the only thing that gets her through the day is the idea of working part-time in pediatrics, simply because of the short residency and time it allows to be with her future family. I admire her for coming to this reasonable conclusion and being honest with herself about what she wants out of life. (I played a role in her therapy and decision making.)

I introduced Z to studentdoctor.net and she asked if they had a resource telling her what schools have a lot of men because she wants to meet guys in school. I laughed at her asking if she was planning to have romance in school. Z is not a slizzy. She looks for love. I tried telling her that while in school your social life is extremely hindered. She didn't believe me, but the truth began to show on her face when the PAs confirmed what I said.

I then proceeded to tell her that the same applies for residency. I pointed to laws that said residents couldn't work more than 80 hours a week, and that that law isn't followed. The only relationship she was going to have was going to be with colleagues, which itself has its own pitfalls. She still refused to believe me. I used our new doctor as an example. He's 35 years old. After medical school, residency and 2 fellowships he's finally working as an Attending Dermatologist, the same career Z wants. New Doc currently lives with his wife at his PARENTS HOUSE. The news that residents and fellows don't make much money was a bitter pill for Z. He's only just starting his life. This was the reason I decided I could never be a physician. I couldn't sacrifice that much of my life. I'm socially stunted enough as it is. But if she's cool with it then she should go for it. I don't mean to tell her DON'T BE A DOCTOR, PAs ARE BETTER. I was simply pointing out some of the things many premeds students don't know/ignore.

This was upsetting news to Z. I then asked her if she was cool with having someone else raise her children while she worked. This was not acceptable to her. She had to be at home raising her children. I asked who was going to work, and she said she wanted her husband (preferably a physician she meets in school) to be able to provide for the family. She also said she wouldn't mind having her own practice so she could make her own hours. I couldn't stop laughing from this one. She had no concept that when you're a business owner, your job comes home with you 24/7. We examined our boss's life and how his employees see him waaaaay more than his family does. His job doesn't end when the patients are gone.

Then I mentioned the stat about 50% of Americans divorcing from their spouses. This only got her shushing me. How dare I bring up such ugly statistics and suggest this could ever happen to her. She 100% believes that she is the exception to every negative statistic out there. This is the most painful thing about Z. I then told her that the divorce rate is most definitely higher among physicians and surgeons, pointing to Derm Surgeon in our office. He is the nicest man that ever existed, but he loves his job. His wife left him after a 2 week vacation to Hawaii.

I finally stopped doing this to Z when she pleaded for me to stop. I was making her question the foundation of her ultimate goal. She didn't like that she had no answers to any of these questions. I didn't feel bad. Z needs to think about all of these before starting medical school. This was nothing compared to what medical school interviews are like.

One of the PAs ended the conversation by pointing out something about Dr. Boss. He wears his medical school ring on his left ring finger. It's impossible to have it all. To be happy you need to know your priorities and live by them. Dr. Boss knows his. He's married to his job.

In Addition to Criag's List

Never Derm. Never private practice. Never ever ever ever ever ever again.

More to follow including: ethics, CFIDS, penis, screwed up labs, surgical consults, stomach viruses.

Phone Tag

The other morning I got a call from a number I didn't recognize, so I let it go to voicemail. I'm not into people I don't know hearing me speak while I'm still in bed.

Checked the voicemail and it was the other school I interviewed at urgently telling me to call them back. If that wasn't a call telling me I was chosen off the wait list, then I don't know what is. I called them back 3 times during the hours they said they would be in the office. I left a message after the third call.

I never got a call back the next day, so I called again leaving another message. Still no word.

I can't say that I'm surprised by this. This is the same program that told me that I would find out whether I got in or not 3 weeks after the interview. I never heard from them again after the interview up until now - 13 weeks later.

Generally I would have been freaking out about this, but since I'm already into the school of my dreams I'm chilling. At this point I just want them to call me back so I can say "SCREW YOU AND YOUR CERTIFICATE OF PHYSICIAN ASSISTANT STUDIES!!! I'M GETTING A MASTER'S AT A SCHOOL THAT'S CAPABLE OF RETURNING PHONE CALLS!!!"

Whatever, the jokes on them. I applied to that program as a total last ditch effort when I was freaking out about not getting interviews. I never had any desire to go there, especially after their very, very weak interview. They didn't try in the slightest to sell their program to me. Truth be told, if I got in I don't know if I would have went cause I had major hesitations about getting a Certificate of PA Studies, since it's the bare minimum requirement to sit for the PANCE.

Insomnia

I'm a night person. There is no getting around it. Staying up until 3AM is normal for me, even when I have to be at work at 8AM the next day. On the flip side of this, I'm also someone that doesn't wake up easily. When given the opportunity I will easily sleep until 1-2PM. I know that this isn't normal, and that I need to become a normal person, especially with school on the horizon.

Today I had work at 1:30PM, but I was up and out of bed at 10AM. This is not standard for me. In fact, it was an outright miracle. Then after work today I was especially exhausted, so the unthinkable happened again and I was in bed at 10:15PM.

Lo and behold, I woke up at 1:30AM. This is even worse than going to be at 3AM, because I don't forsee being about to fall asleep for a very long time.

If anyone has any tips on how to start going to be earlier, please don't hog them. I freaking went to bed when I was tired, yet my body still rejects the idea of sleeping that early.

womp womp.

4!

It was a good past week for Civil Rights.

Out of NOWHERE Iowa, freaking Iowa, legalized same sex marriage. And today, my second least favorite state in the union, Vermont, passed same-sex marriage without a court order.

As Fag Hag said, HOLLA!

The End, Before the Beginning

I only have 44 days of work left until I start my 5-Week-Pre-PA-School-Vacation. Not like I'm counting or anything.

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to with 5 weeks of vacation. I sometimes debate whether that's too long of a break. Roommate is working straight through June and giving himself just 12 days off. Classes start July 13. But I really want to relaxxxx, and I want to be so desperately bored by the end of the vacation that I'll be ready to attack school.

So far I don't have much planned to do during my break. I want to go to Florida for a week at my grandparents condo, but I don't seem to have anyone to go with. During June I might be spending time finding an apartment, if I'm not able to get that taken care of in May. Then I'll probably spend a week getting the apartment ready to be lived in. But that still gives me 3 weeks of nothingness. That's okay though. I really do enjoy sitting and doing nothing. That might make me seem very lazy. But I see it as a gift, because there are so many people who just don't know how to sit and do nothing, even though they really need it.

Never Again

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever doing anything on Craig's List like that again.

Not the Only One

Tonight I went to the Cheesecake Factory for the first time ever with two of my guy friends. Man, they have one of the largest menus I've ever seen. I hear they're going out of business, which is too bad because I had a really great meal. I don't think I've ever had such a pretty and equally delicious meal.

As we entered my friend commented on how this place was a huge first date clich and sure enough we had the theme of the night!

About halfway through our meal two young guys sat down next to us. Generally I always assume guys are straight because of the statistics. But I heard just a hint of the stereotypical gay voice, so I listened in. Sure enough they were on a first date! Horrah! An amazing opportunity to see what first dates are like for other gay guys.

The topics touched on were family, religion, tv, friends, ghosts. One guy talked more than the other, and one seemed way more into the date than the other. Overall a fairly good reenactment of my latest date. So it was somewhat comforting that I was basically doing what other guys are doing on their first dates. Unfortunately, the guy talking too much reminded me a little too much of myself. AKA the driving force of the conversation and we all know how well that turned out. Is that a rule? That the if one guys is talking too much then it's official that he's way more into the other guy, and it's not going to work out.

Anyway, I was way into the guy who wasn't feeling the other guy. I really wanted to make some kind of move, which is totally out of the norm for me. I think it was because this guy was TOTALLY not the stereotype, and was TOTALLY cute. I don't think I would have ever hit on that guy since my gaydar probably isn't that strong. I didn't have the balls to blow up the other guys spot though. So I left Cheesecake Factory, cheesecake in hand, wondering how the hell I was ever going to meet someone. Womp Womp. I then put a posting on Craigslist's Missed Connections for the .00001% change that guy will read it and get in contact with me.

I don't plan on making a real solid effort at dating until I move, because I think I've exhausted all the resources in my current situation and I know there are many more options in the neighborhood I'm moving into. We'll see how that goes.

Roommate

I met my new roommate today. It's kind of funny (well, not ha ha funny) how I came to be roommates with him. He happens to be my co-worker's finance's sister's boyfriend. This pairing didn't happen by coincidence. Co-worker told me about her "brother-in-law" being in the same class as me and didn't really say anything negative about him. And by, "didn't really say anything negative," I mean wouldn't lead me one way or the other. By the transitive property I figured he must be okay because I like Co-worker, therefore I must like her finance and his family and anyone his family decides to date. That logic works 100% of the time. Math says so. Plus, he's a fellow PA student, so how bad could he be.

Tonight I got together with Co-worker and all other members connecting me with Roommate. Man, I love being the 5th wheel. It felt very much like being set up on a blind date, but without the promise of you know... anything. I must say that I think everyone had a really good time. We went to a restaurant of my choosing in my town and I believe it was enjoyed by all. We talked for quite a while after dinner was over, and then proceeded to walk through town and do the coffee thing.

A couple of things were decided on. One, DVR will be had because Roommate enjoys TV as much as I do. (I don't know if we actually agreed on this, but it's happening.) Our cleaning goal is that the place will be clean enough that shower sandals will remain a thing of Undergrad Past. Good start.

Since Roommate is from a far away state, I'm going to be checking out apartments with Roommate's Girl Friend. I'm just becoming best friends with everyone!

But no the fun didn't stop there. I went for the trifecta! Co-worker's Fiance and I hit it off a little too and plan on going to plenty of MLB games during my MONTH OF NOTHINGGGG. (aka 6 week period between work's end and school starting) I'm starting to debate whether the 6 weeks vacation I'm giving myself is a little much, especially since it was decided to start our lease in July and not June.

So the future is looking bright. We're both equally excited for school to start and are actually pretty compatible when it comes to studying methods (group study). Horrah for that!

The only thing that kind of sucked about the night was being the 5th Wheel. And it wasn't a matter of being the odd one out, because I become very friendly with others quickly. I feel very comfortable around all of them. It was more of the "woe is me being alone" feeling that I had after the whole night was said and done. I'll need to get over this because Roommate's Girl Friend is going to be over a lot I think. I've never had a roommate with a significant other like this, but I have no choice but to get over it.

Die Exchange

Microsoft never ceases to amaze me at how terrible it is.

Evidently, School uses Outlook Exchange for e-mail and I couldn't have been more disgusted with it. I wanted to add my School account to my Thunderbird because Thunderbird is GOD. This was just so difficult to accomplish that I finally gave up and just set up my School account to forward all e-mail to my Gmail account. This was actually what I wanted to do in the beginning but that option wasn't listed anywhere within the Outlook e-mail program. I later found a separate School website where you could have e-mails forwarded. It's all so unnecessarily complicated.

For some reason I have hesitations for relying on Google (or any one company) too much. I almost feel like it's the next Microsoft, if it already isn't. I like to spread the love around. Thunderbird for e-mail client, Gmail for my address, iCal for scheduling, Camino for browsing, Adium for chatting.

Holy Shit I'm Registered

I still cannot believe that I got an e-mail today telling me how to register for classes. I'm still in a total state of disbelief when I see things like, Name: Guy Flynn Major: Physician Assistant Studies. You'd think I had won the lotto or something. I'm convinced that this is still all a big joke. I should get over this.

I registered for classes today. It's a very light start for the summer semester. Physcosocial Medicine, Human Physiology, Professionalism & Bioethics. Basically it's like all of my favorite classes from college in one semester. w00tw00t!

What's In a Name

The saga of patients continually making up name for me continues. Yesterday I was called "Kevin" and today the Doctor called me "Chris." When Doctor called me that I literally said, "Excuse me!?" and just stared at him until he corrected himself. Evidently calling me Chris is a constant internal struggle for him. And then yesterday another woman couldn't get over the fact of how much I reminded her of someone named Stephen.

The list includes:
Brian
Chris
Marc
Brendan
Craig
George
Eric
Kevin
"That guy..."

And when I go to Panera that's always an adventure to see what name they put on my receipt. The other day they put "Grek" and my friend Ryan was "Brajan."

Then today we got a pathology report that said at the bottom, "This biopsy was discussed with G. Flynn, PA on 3/19/09." That's me! WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GET THE IDEA I WAS A PA?! I never said that. I don't even think I told them I was a medical assistant. I just answered the phone when the front desk said a doctor needed to talk to someone and I answered some questions about a biopsy and humored them when they went into the specifics.

Boy or Job?

The Hag and I had a very interesting conversation the other night. Not to long ago Hag was searching through Match.com and requiring my help evaluating EVERY SINGLE PROSPECT. She was especially needy when deciding whether to meet guys after getting e-mails from them. There had been one particular string of gentleman callers that she was more crazy about. And I don't mean that she was crazy over each of them. What I mean is that she was literally losing her mind over whether he would MARRY any of them.

The ones she was most interested in I believe I was luke warm over. She has a thing for older guys, which is evolutionary understandable, but I find them a little weird. But then there was another one, which I admittedly went crazy for. He was the best looking of the ones that e-mailed her, was an engineer and gave off the good vibe according to me. The Hag on the other hand was luke warm. I practically had to make her give him the time of day.

Long story short, they're pretty inseparable and she wants to marry him. And more importantly, I also approve.

Around the same time she found The Boy, I got into school. We've both been on our respective Cloud 9's.

The Hag also back around the time she was looking for guys lost her job. DAMN ECONOMY. And now we both of a case of The Grass Is Always Greener. Well... Maybe not. I asked her last night if she could trade The Boy for a dream job - would she? I actually said I definitely wouldn't. As desperate as I am for some companionship there is NO WAY that I would trade in 5 years of dedicating my life to getting into school for a little messing around. At least, not after looking for less than a year and $200 worth of online dating.

She on the other hand had mixed feelings. I've noticed that the one thing that can really develop a psychosis in people is being unemployed. She decided that if this relationship is for real, then she wouldn't trade spaces. But if it's only a temporary thing then she would gladly switch. Unfortunately for her that's the nature of relationships, not knowing. I guess the same could be said about me though. I'm blindly in love with the idea of being a PA, but could easily down the line realize that having a relationship is better.

I'm willing to take that chance though. It's not like I'm avoiding the idea of relationships. Currently I'm just putting off the active search until school starts and I move. Remember Guy, the whole reason you wanted PA instead of Physician was so that you could still have a personal life.

Empty Office

If I see Obama on one more magazine cover, speech podium or late night show, then I'm going to break into the Oval Office and start running the country.

[Edit:] Just heard Obama is doing the commencement speech at Notre Dame this year. That will be that day I take office.

Lofty Goals?

One of the P.A.'s at work asked me why I didn't go to med school. This isn't the first time a P.A. has asked me this, because evidently you only go to P.A. school when you're "too old" and don't have the time for med school. Does no one believe that there are perks to being a P.A. that doctors don't have?

She made the argument that she was doing the same exact thing as the physicians and making half the salary. Okay... But I'm pretty sure that I would be very happy with that P.A.'s salary. Am I kidding myself into thinking that I wouldn't like to make a doctor's salary?

On the flip side I had a physician once tell me that I should never go into medicine for the money. It wasn't because there wasn't money to be had, but because having more money doesn't make you happier. He said that he truly believed that he was no more happier with his life than the guys making 60k and then pointed to the studies that prove it. I believe it. As nice as having bucket loads of money is, I really think more money does bring more problems. I'm not interested in living an extravagant lifestyle, because it requires that much more work to maintain it.

I know that working as a P.A. is going to be a job I love. I know this because I love my job now, and would love it even more if I were one of the P.A.'s. Then I look at the doctor and wonder if I would love my job anymore because I were him. Honestly, I don't think I would. To be perfectly honest, I don't think I mind having someone else to fall back on and not being 100% liable for everything that goes on. His job requires a lot more hours, has a lot more stress and he lives a lifestyle that I'm not interested in having.

The P.A. then asked "But wouldn't you like to one day be called 'Dr. House.'" Would I? Sure, I guess. But is being called "doctor" going to change anything substantially about my job? No. I'm still going to be doing the same kind of work, and I won't have to go through the hell of med school and residency. I'm trying to develop a strong self-confidence in myself and feeling superior about yourself because you're called "doctor" doesn't help that. I want to go to a job that I love and enjoy, but I also desperately want to separate my social life from work life. That's the goal. I feel that being a P.A. makes that more possible than being a physician. I'm interested in practicing medicine, not being called "doctor."

I want to have:
a partner
a couple kids
a modest home
a luxury Toyota
cable with DVR
comfortable but not extravagant furniture
a standard trip once a year
the means to provide my kids with the schooling they need and myself with retirement

If a dual income, one being a P.A. salary, can't cover this then let me know and I'll be sure to apply to med school.

The Most Important $10 an Hour Employee Ever

Today was G-ma's funeral, but because of the snow we had to push back the burial to today (Tuesday.) I already had Monday off because that's how my typical schedule works, and I called my Office Manager Sunday to tell her I wasn't coming in Tuesday. So that's one day off. Mind you I worked Friday the day after I found out she died, which I think shocked my OM.

Today when I called to confirm that I wasn't coming in tomorrow, since I never heard back from OM. I got the secretary, but in reality she's third in command at the office. She tells me I'm not allowed to pass this message along through her, per office policy. If you're taking off you must ONLY speak to the OM, even when she doesn't return your phone calls or is in the office during business hours. She then tries to tell me OM's home number to which I say, "Listen I'm driving in a snow storm on the way to m grandmother's funeral. I can't do this right now."

I called back after the funeral and get the OM. I tell her I'm not working Tuesday because that's when the burial is and I think I'm going to take Wednesday off also cause I really just need one day off from life. She immediately starts whining. She goes on about how she already got someone to cover for me Tuesday night and that she doesn't have anyone for Wednesday night. In the past I might crumble to this and say how I'll be back right away. Not anymore. I stand strong telling her I really need a day and she continues squirming. It helps that she's acting so desperately, and that I'm leaving in May so what are they going to do? Hold this against me towards firing me? I then crumble a little and say I'll work that night 5-8PM.

This pisses me off a lot. The OM's mother died 2 weeks ago and took AT LEAST 2 days off and no one would have said anything about how long she was away. But me, the $10 an hour, lowest man on the totem poll wants to take off 2 days AND THE OFFICE GOES INTO CRISIS MODE. Firstly, how the hell did I become so important? I'll tell you how. Because we're desperate for help. We're completely understaffed in terms of medical assistants and run short even when everyone is at work. This must be kind of what the nursing shortage is like.

Secondly, they got one of the Regular MAs to fill in for me Tuesday, when there is already a Part-Timer who comes in Tuesday nights. Why can't she, the Part-Timer, just run solo? I run solo all the time. The answer can't be because she's new; she's not. And I don't care if she's not as capable as me because she gets paid the same. They pushed me hard when I first started and this Part-Timer is getting special treatment because she's incompetent. They have ZERO problem telling me when I fuck up and giving me shit even when I don't fuck up. But this Part-Timer, no one says shit to. So instead of having the Full-Timer fill in for me Wednesday they have to have her work Tuesday, basically forcing me to work Wednesday. MIND YOU: I'm going to work alone Wednesday in the same scenario that the Part-Timer would have had to worked Tuesday.

The OM better be looking out cause I'm coming in with a massive chip on my shoulder and there is no reason for me not to tell her exactly how I feel. Go ahead, fire me. I already got EXACTLY what I needed from this job. I'm sure I can go find some other job where I can make $10.50 an hour.

:-(

You know what sucks more than seeing every patient at least 40 minutes behind schedule because your boss shows up 30 minutes late to back to back surgeries that are also the first patients of the day?

Coming home to find out that your grandmother died. (Not the one I live with)

You know what's even worse? Realizing that the last thing you said to your grandmother was "Hopefully the next time I see you it'll be under better circumstances." Geez.

It wasn't that unexpected. She had very limited mobility ever since I was born, and it only got worse over the years. Her life was mainly consisting of moving between her bed and her chair for tv watching. Her family did visit her very often and luckily she did go to the family ski house with the majority of the family last Christmas break.

I'm glad she got to see so many of her grandchildren make it to college and her eldest get into grad school. Too bad I never got to see after she heard I got into school. It would have been nice to tell her what I was going to be doing and let her see how excited I am.

I hope you're at peace, G ma.
<3 numero uno.

Hmm... Money...

The shock of getting in still hasn't set in yet, but the shock of the debt I'll be in has.

I've been greatly debating whether to commute from home to school, or move closer to school. The commute to school would probably be about an hour, and it wouldn't require too much work. Drive to train station, take subway (no transfers), walk remainder. It might actually take longer than an hour since I'm estimating based off my interview commute. The rush hour commute I'm sure is worse. I use to work in Big City where the school is and I have to say the terrible taste the commute left in my mouth linger 4 years later.

The other problem with the commute comes about when I want to go home late at night. There are less trains back to Home Town, plus by the time I would get home I wouldn't be getting much sleep before heading back to school the next day.

The reason I plan on being in the city late at night is because I'm a group studier. If I go home I will never get any work done. I need to be in a library and preferably with someone else to bounce ideas and questions off of.

My hesitation is the increased amount of debt I'll produce. It'll bring the estimate cost of the entire program from about 75K to well over 100K. I guess this might be a drop in the ocean, but I'm TERRIFIED that I'm going to fail out and be stuck with debt and no degree. But hell, even if I did commute and failed out I would still have a shit ton of debt. I guess it's comfort that regardless of this decision I'm still going to fail with a shit ton of debt.

On a side note, even though I don't particularly care for Big City, I do think it's a life experience I need by living in it. So I'll probably do it.

Taking the "IM" out of impossible!

I totally got into P.A. school today!!!!!

And the school completely messed with my emotions about it.

As I clocked out at work today I said aloud for the first time, "Well I wonder if I have a message waiting for me from the school."

I looked at my phone and saw a missed call from a number I didn't recognized. The number had too many number in it, so I disregarded it as a wrong number international call.

I then got home and saw an e-mail from the school telling me that I was moved from #13 to #11. This was not pleasing because being this late after the acceptances went out I assumed there was little hope. I then saw a had another e-mail from the school 4 hours later, and sure enough it was an acceptance e-mail!

So horray for me!!!!!

Tip to Tall People

I'm tall, 6'4'' to be exact, even though I lie on on-line dating services and say 6'3'', cause that seem to be the "normal" cutoff.

I sometimes get back pain from sitting at my computer for long periods of time. One way to help this is to not sit at my computer too much. But I'm Irish, and we're a stubborn people. (I feel like ever ethnicity is considered a stubborn people.)

What have I done to help alleviate pain? I've lowered my seat alllll the way down. I'm so low that the table reaches about 4 inches below my nipple. My arms rest comfortably on the table and I think I sit straighter because of this. Screw developing back muscles.

The Numbers

I've been regressing lately. I use to tell myself I was going to let life be and not worry about things out of my control. Tonight I went crazy reading about wait lists and how many classes sizes were made of people from the wait list. This gave me hope because I saw good numbers. One schools had 50% of their class made from the wait list and another was made by 37%. I'm in the top 25%, so thing were looking okay.

Then I decided to see if the accepted students started a Facebook group. They did and I was able to see the whole thing. There are 31 members. That means AT LEAST 31 seats of 50 are filled, 62% of the class. If that number goes past 37, then that means people on the wait list ahead of me MUST reject their acceptance in order for me to get in.

There is a very good chance that there are accepted people who did not join the Facebook group. I feel like shit. I wish I didn't do this kind of stuff to myself.

[Edit:] Okay I'm a major stalker. This is already know. The internet makes to too easy. One person in the group said they "just found out" this past Monday that they were in. That is exactly 2 weeks from the initial acceptances. Generally accepted candidates are given two weeks to send in deposits. This leads me to believe that this person was chosen off the wait list. The idea that they're already taking people from the wait list is the only thing that will allow me to sleep from now until February 23-24, when I calculate the next round of wait list acceptances to be sent out.

I should be a private internet investigator.

The Power of Balls

Two stories to share today, both involving my balls.

One:
Yesterday, Boss gave me, what many thought, was an inordinate amount of shit about typing someone's allergies under Past Medical History and not recording their current medication. In my defense, Boss told me in order to "save time" just record the medications they list on the patient history form that they fill out, and the patient didn't list any medications. He specifically told me that "You know there is one important thing they don't teach you in P.A. text books. 'Don't fuck up." Okay, gezzz.

Today, we were trying to figure out what a patient had been complaining about the previous day, because we had a positive fungal culture from them and needed to give some kind of treatment. We looked at the chart and there was zero notation as to anything about a fungal culture, and it had Boss' had writing all over it. I then said to him, "Hey Boss, what's that thing they don't teach you in P.A. text books."

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!! I've got a pair.

He simply laughed and said "touché."

We later found the right chart and the fungal culture was noted in full. We never told him that he didn't actually fuck up.


Two:
Boss had just left a patient, but per usual, the patient thought of another pertinent question regarding their facial hair. The patient wanted to know if it was possible that the Rogaine was effecting it even though it was there before the Rogaine treatment started. They also wanted to know if there were any good treatment plans. I told them that the Rogaine didn't seem to be affecting it and that there really wasn't any good treatment for her specific type of hair. She accepted my answers, and left.

After the patient left Boss asked me, "Guy, what exactly do the patients think your title is." I responded, "Anything they want me to be." He laughed and noted how they accept anything I say basically because I'm a man. I generally sound very confident about whatever I say even when it's, "I don't know." My female P.A. co-worker was definitely a little pissed off about that.

I also just realized that yesterday I had an EXTENSIVE conversation about a laser hair treatment. She had wanted to speak with Boss and a medical assistant said she would get him for her. Yeah, right. There was no shot he was going to see this patient that wasn't on his schedule and also not paying for an office visit.

I walked into the room and introduced myself to this patient I had never met before. I told her that Boss wasn't available but that I would be happy to answer any of her questions. We talked about whether this was a logistically practical treatment, the effectiveness of the treatment and the data to back it up. She made her decision based off my talk with her and she went on her way. In retrospect she totally thought I was something other than a medical assistant. All of the patients initially think I'm a P.A. and just because I have a pair of balls.

13

After 3 e-mails and 1 phone call I finally got my Wait List School to tell me how the wait list works. I'm placed 13 out of 50 people. The class holds 50 in total with an additional 50 on the wait list. I am not feeling too optimistic about this school since it means over 1/5 of the accepted candidates have to reject their acceptance. My mom on the other hand seems to think this is a very good standing. I may have mentioned before that my mom recently did a Clinical Psychology PhD program and is currently in her Internship year. She said that at her program their total class size was 40 and had a 40 person wait list size and that they took many people off it. The fact that a program has a wait list that's as large as its class size is suppose to make me feel better. We'll see. 13 also happen to be my lucky number, which may sound like a weird number to be considered lucky, but it make sense.

On the other hand I feel a little more hopefully about the other program I interviewed at. I know that that program is considered a safety school for a lot of people. So even if I ranked as well on their Wait List as I did at the other school, than I think I have a pretty good chance.

Waiting is SO MUCH FUN AND SO GOOD FOR YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE!

Seconds

The theme of this week was "Second Experiences." I had my second (and final) P.A. interview interview and I also went on my second on-line inspired first date.

The interview went well like they usually do. They seemed to like my answers to a lot of things, made them laugh, etc. But I'm also 100% sure that this was a courtesy interview, so I have low hopes.

On Sunday I went on a date with someone I "matched" with online. We did the brunch thing. I had a good time, but felt that the conversation was being fueled mainly by my asking questions. He answered questions and kept up an okay conversation. We then proceeded to just walk around after cause it was nice outside, so I guess it's a good sign that he didn't run away from me. Long story short, two days later I send the e-mail saying I had a good time and would like to go out again, and I got the "I don't see thing turning into a relationship" letter. Womp womp.

I kind of wish dating was like applying to schools where you can ask "What did I do wrong, how can I improve, etc." Because we did have a good e-mail correspondence. He did ask questions then, and kept a conversation. But then the at the brunch I felt like I was doing all the work. Where was his attempt to get to know me. Maybe he did try, and I just don't realize it. I'm almost tempted to ask what went wrong? But I feel that's pointless. Maybe it was the fact that I live kind of far away from him, maybe it's cause I'm not at the right professional point in my life, maybe it's because I live with my grandparents, maybe it's my looks. It could be a combination of things, but most of them he knew before hand. So I'm at a loss. In the end I'm not going to ask anything like that because it really doesn't matter. It's not like I can change any of those things right now.

As is life. But I have to say this all kind of reminds me of how I don't get why I'm still the most stable person of all my friends. I feel like I should be having a mental break down, but I'm not. Yet...

Limbo 2

I've been waitlisted, again.

If I may be over dramatic for a moment, lets go over the direness of the situation.

I've applied to 18 schools. I've been rejected to 11 of them. Been invited for interviews at 2. The school that I've been waitlisted at actually happens to be in my Top 4, if not number one. I need to make this happen, if not because I'm not going to get closer anywhere else.

Uggggggggh

A New Hope

E-mailed the admissions administrator person. Asked them if I could find out about the status of my applications since I heard people had starting getting responses from my interview date. She told me that some decisions had been made and that more letters were going to be sent out next week.

Eeep.

Not Looking So Hot

I was on some random PA Forum website and as I predicted, people heard from the school yesterday. Well, one person said she got an e-mail saying she got in. This is not looking too good for me, since I would assume all acceptance e-mails would go out on the same day. Hell, I would even think the waitlist e-mails would have gone out yesterday too. Hopefully I'll have a definitive answers come Monday.

Stay tuned.

Waiting Game

A friend of mine who goes to the school I interviewed at told me she heard within 2 weeks of her interview. For all intents of purposes Friday would mark 2 weeks, assuming they don't give responses over the weekend. I'm also assuming they come over e-mail. The school said that it could be up to 4 weeks, but I believe they say that to all interviewees, and I'm fairly sure I was the last day of interviews, soooo I think this is further support that the response will come soon. Also, PA programs I think work closer to a non-rolling admission process, meaning they might send out acceptance letters twice per cycle, as opposed to every two weeks like medschools. This gives me hope that there are plenty of spot open.

I've also been doing some more snooping online and there seems to be a lot of negative feedback about the school. This might turn some people away from the program, but I'm not normal. I'm desperate. This news makes me ecstatic. This gives me hope that if I get waitlisted, then I still have a good shot at getting in.

This school's decision actually affects two other totally unrelated parts of my life. One being my health insurance. My parents currently pay for my health insurance and probably only allow it because it's a cheap plan. It's cheap because we pay 20% of everything. Sucks. I don't go to the doctor because of this. I would take the insurance at my job, but if I took that then I would lose the good rate that I currently have. So in the case that I had to leave my job for some reason I wouldn't get that good rate back.

If I do get into PA school, then I assume I would end up taking whatever insurance plan they offer. This would then give me the security I need to ditch my current plan, and take my job's plan. I could then do things like get my annual physical, get some specialty blood work done for hair loss at my job, get my eyes checked out (I think I'm developing night vision problems), etc.

Getting into this school would also give me some comfort in my love life. I'm currently using an online dating site (not match, and I'm also not thrilled with it), but I am "in talks" with someone. I would like to know that I'm going to school in the city that he lives in so that any future is a little more feasible, because as it is now the distance could be a problem. Commuting into the city he lives in on a daily basis would be helpful. I'm really not trying to get ahead of myself, I'm just thinking that getting into this school would also help that pursuit.

Tick tock.

Screw Home Owning

I go on a skiing trip for less than three days and what the fuck do I come home to? A FLOODED KITCHEN AND COLLAPSED BASEMENT CEILING, ALONG WITH SAID BASEMENT BEING FLOODED!

On top of vowing to never own a home, I'm never going to own an ice maker. The ice maker at my parents' house is a huge fucking pain in the ass, and the ice maker here at my grandparents' house is an even bigger pain in the ass. What the fuck do I need ice for WHEN IT SNOWED 5 INCHES WHILE I WAS GONE?!?!?!!?

Tomorrow, instead of waking up late and going to work at noon I get to wake up early, drive to my other grandma's house to get my parents' wet-vac, and go at the basement. I then get to move on to shoveling said 5 inches of snow.

Of course this all happens when my grandparents go to Florida, so I'm stuck taking care of this problem entirely by myself. Fuck my life.

NEVER. EVER. BUYING. A. HOUSE.

A Note to the Women of the World

If you can handle being seen by a male doctor, then you should be able to get over the fact that I'm a male nurse. I don't know why so many women give me an attitude because I'm a guy bringing you into a room.

Status Post: Nailed

I think the interview went better than I could have hoped. The first thing they had us do was give our responses to a variety of different scenarios. I feel I did a good job at handling them. I went over my answers with my co-worker PA and she said that at her school (which is one of the top PA programs) I would have gotten high marks for my answers. Thank God that I actually have real medical experience behind me because that's exactly where I got my answers from. Most of the situations have actually happened to me, so I think the answers sound realistic.

After we filled out the scenarios we had our interviews. I had mine with two faculty members. They asked the typical questions: why do you want to be a P.A., do you think you'll work while in school, what's your support system going to be? They laughed when I responded that working during school was a crazy thought. They agreed, and I think they were happy that I knew how intense PA school is.

One question that was a kick in the gut was, "So, what do you think about your academic performance in college?" AKA, why did your grades suck? Ugh, that was a fun question to field. I told them how I wasn't too happy with my grades in school, but that I don't think it was from a lack of effort. I don't know whether it's good to say, "I worked my butt off and still got lower grades than others in my study group." But it's the truth. I told them that my first year of college I really wasn't a science major and then sophomore and junior year I thought studying by myself was best, and didn't realize until senior year that group studying is the best for me. I pointed that that even though my grades looked the same senior year as other years, the classes were actually much, much hard. So in reality I did do better once I figured out how to study.

During the interview they also asked me about one of my letters of recommendation. Evidently the letter I got from my Derm-PA, whom I've known for years, guest lectures at that school. I had actually mentioned her earlier in the interview as being the spark that got me into medicine. I'm kind of happy that they actually read my letters of recommendation, and I'm kind of shocked that they even recognized her name. I didn't think they paid such close attention. They also willingly took my updated resume and letter of recommendation from my boss. They were reading it as I was walking out. Mission Accomplished.

I think they liked my answer for what my "support group" was going to be. I told them how in college my support group was my study group. That getting together with other students was therapy in itself. They seemed to agree with me that working with other students is an effective study method and that it's a good way to keep your sanity. My co-worker later told me that the school really pushes group study, so I guess I have good answers for that.

The last part of the interview they had us do a short critical thinking exercise, which I thought was a lot of fun. After we gave our own answers we then had to work in groups of 4 and do the exercise as a team. There was an admissions person present also taking notes as we worked together. I'm fairly sure they didn't care what our answers were and were more interested in seeing how we did in a group. They then compared our answers to see whether we did better individually or as a group and everyone did better as a group. I think I successfully stood out during it, as oppose to letting everyone else in the group do all the work. But at the same time I don't think I was at all confrontational, which I feel some of the people in the group were.

They said that they give their answers within 4 weeks. I've heard they actually give it within 3 weeks. Either way it looks like I'm not going to find out the results before my other interview. I would really prefer not to go to that interview because I don't want to go to that program, but at the same time I need to nail that interview in case I don't get into this school. Ugh

Got to nail it!

I'm getting pumped for this interview. I'm planning on SLAUGHTERING IT!!! I WILL NOT FAIL!!!!!!!!(!!!!)

I asked my boss to write me a letter of recommendation for the interview and he did so in record time. I couldn't even believe it. He had me read it and I thought it was good. But according to everyone in my family it's an amazing letter. My mom in a Clinical Psych Intern and currently working on evaluating Intern Applicants and she said that his letter has no "loop holes" and that you can't read bad things between the lines.

I asked the school I'm interviewing at how they would like me to submit this letter, and they told me that they only consider the three letters and recommendation that were sent in with my CASPA application. HORSE SHIT!

The letters they have are so old. My entire application is old. It was submitted in August and I've done a lot since August. If they think I'm going to sit around until next August to show them what I've done since last August they have another thing coming. I'm going to shove that letter and updated resume down their throats!

2008

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Graduate College
Become a full-time worker, with benefits
Become an EMT
Join multiple dating websites

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember if I made an resolutions. This year I've already started my resolution to force myself to try to meet people by joining a dating website, 3 months prepaid.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
My best friend in the whole world, my puppy/baby Trevor.

5. What countries did you visit?
No foreign countries, even though California was pretty different.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A relationship, admission to a graduate school.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 11th, the day Trev-trev died. Consequently, I'll remember it secondarily as my college graduation.

I also keep remembering Sept 16 as the day I started work.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Graduating college.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to save puppy. God, he just ran this year didn't he. Tears stay back!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No real illnesses or injury. Although this was the first time in a long long time I wasn't sick in the middle of Decemeber, coincidentally it's also the first time in a long long time I didn't have major exams in December.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My iMac.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My college friends who got me through the long haul in my last semester.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My college adviser for showing such blatant favoritism toward his female advisees, and over looking me over at alumni weekend when I was standing right next to my female friends who he readily acknowledged.

14. Where did most of your money go?
California trip - totally worth it.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
NEW YEARS EVE: DECEMEBER 31, 2008!!!! I'm SO EXCITED FOR TONIGHT'S FESTIVITIES!!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Disturbia, Womanizer and Low. Basically because these were the songs that I always went around singing and people clearly connect me to these songs. Singing at work.. singing while dissecting... Although, I'll probably forget what year they came out.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) Much happier, because work is so much better than school.
b) Probably about the same weight.
c) Richer, although it's debatable.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Go to the gym.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
It was spent with family and friends the same way it has always been spent.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Nope.

22. How many one-night stands?
Zero. Le sigh, it would probably do me good.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Battlestar Galactica

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
My former college adviser. I might have been close to hating him last year.

25. What was the best book you read?
Freakonomics

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
DISTURBIAAAAAA

27. What did you want and get?
An iMac.

28. What did you want and not get?
LOST on DVD. Seriously, it was the only thing I consistently told people I wanted for Christmas and it's like the easiest thing to get too.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Batman: The Dark Knight

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was in Vermont with friends. I turned 22. But people still consistently guessed my age as being much older.


31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
My dog being healthy.


32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
A continually step away from things like American Eagle, Abercrombie and anything like it. I totally succeeded.

33. What kept you sane?
Generally I'm the one keeping other people sane. I really am the only thing that keeps myself sane.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't like celebrities.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Prop 8.


36. Who did you miss?
Someone that I missed for the entirety of 2008? I don't think there was anyone. Must I really keep saying how much I miss my damn dog? I think you get the point.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
My friends from EMT class and work.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
I'm not sure if I really just learned this this year, but I finally took my own advice. I stopped trying to plan a million steps into the future and started just "throwing shit against the wall and to see what sticks." I became a lot less stressed because of this.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I don't know have any relevant lyrics. I just god around screaming DISTURBIA!!!!

This Meme was stolen from Dr. K

That Guy

As I've previously said I'm one of the few males at my job - the only other being the physician.

Everyday the nursing staff takes lots of phone calls attempting to answer any question, relaying messages from providers, calling in prescriptions, etc. With so many calls being made, which often involve lots of people, mistakes are bound to happen. I'm not talking about life threatening mistakes. Mistakes like telling a patient a prescription was mailed to their house, and it never really getting done.

This happen to me today. Last Saturday a patient called saying they left a prescription at the office and wanted to know what they should do about it since they only have a 7 day window to fill the prescription. I hadn't worked that Saturday and asked the staff what was going on. I was told that the prescription had been mailed to her house and that she should keep her eyes peeled.

Today that patient came into the office. But first there were a number of messages from her saying she never got the prescription in the mail like the guy told her. So she came into the office, we updated her registration and she was given a new prescription. Of course she had to go on a little rant how the guy had told her that everything had been taken care of and that she saw the guy walking around the office today.

We get the point. You spoke to me and the information I provided you with was faulty.

This clearly was not my fault. Many times the faulty information we give patients is a pure accident and most of the time it doesn't come back to bite people in the ass because if the patient hears a female's voice they don't bother trying to place it. But when they hear a male voice, all of a sudden they make a mental note about it. So often patients call saying, "I spoke that THAT GUY and he told me..." This sucks cause anything I do wrong ALWAYS comes back to me, whereas if one of my female counterparts makes the same mistake it disappears.

Even patients that I've never met before know who I am. Everyone recognizes the 6'4'' male nurse in the office. When I introduce myself to new patients they often say, "Oh yeah I've seen you around the office before." Are people checking me out? Or is it simply because I'm the guy nurse? God knows the patients can easily talk about me outside of the office.

On the plus side any nice things that people want to say are easily traced back to me, which I think is more often the case. We have a little survey on the back of the check-out sheets asking patients to rate our performance. Patients rarely ever write negative things, but patients can easily write in who their nurse was because when they ask the front desk who that guy was, there's only me.

!!!

What e-mail do I get at 1:30AM? An e-mail saying I have an interview at one of my top choice schools!!!!!!!!

More later. Time for bed.

Nervous Breakdown?

Last year I kept a running tally of the number of schools I applied to and outcomes. I didn't do that with the PA schools. This may leave some of you feeling left in the dark. Allow me to shed a little light on my current situation.

Total number of programs applied: 18

Yes, that number is 1 - 8. States included NY, NJ, PA, CT, ME, MA, CA, MD

Total number of rejections: 10

Some of these came very quickly. Pennsylvania sent them out especially quickly. I think I only have like one active application left in that state out of 4 total. I suspect that I'm basically never going to hear from many of the remaining schools. That's what happened with most of the DO schools I applied to. I never got a letter saying what their decision was - the epitome of rude.

Total number of interview requests: 1

Yes, I know. This is really pathetic. I'm especially disappointed with this interview because I just found out I could only get a Certificate, as opposed to the Bachelors that I thought I would get. I'm not sure if this matters though in the grand scheme, since I already have a bachelors. I'm okay with the idea of getting a Masters later on in life. In fact I plan on getting it in something cool like Evolution.

Some people seem to be more frustrated with the state of things than I am. And I found out that people are even tip-toeing around the issue cause they think I might have a breakdown in front of them. This is not the case. My mental stability has been keep intact. I'm not totally discouraged, although I must admit I don't know why. I feel like I should be discouraged between the medschool and PA application saga, but I'm not. I think it's simply because I do have a job that I like.

So I wonder, do nervous breakdowns come out of nowhere or do people see them coming? The transition between applying to medschool and PA school went smoothly because I realized I wanted to be a PA. I had structure in life because there was a structured application cycle. I require structure in my life. It's the Capricorn in me. I told myself after college that I was going to stop trying to plan everything in my life, and I did, and I was happy. But I feel myself regressing back to those ways. I need to figure out wtf I'm going to do if I don't get into a program.

I feel there is no point in reapplying to PA school, unless I retake classes. To be honest, I do not want to retake classes. I just don't want to put myself through that. I don't want to work full-time and take classes. But really, it's more about retaking the classes, than it is about an overtime schedule. Some say that I should reapply simply because now I'm working full-time and have that experience under my belt, but I don't think it's enough to do the trick.

So I need to figure out my next goal. But at the same time I need to avoid the obsessive-compulsive way I use to attack things. If I go OCD again, then I will have a nervous breakdown.

I'm thinking the natural thing to go for next is nursing. There are attractive 15 month accelerated programs I can apply to. I can then go about getting an NP. But again, they require A+P and I don't want to go through that fiasco of retaking classes because they don't accept the A+P I took. Should this be the case though then I'm going to suck it up, take two months off from my job and take A+P over the summer.

Now even though going for nursing would give me a nice little goal which may keep me sane there is still the fact that I DON'T WANT TO BE A NURSE.

So when I consider the fact that I don't want to be a nurse I think about jobs I would enjoy. I do enjoy teaching biology. Should I be a HS teacher? But I don't want to have to get a masters in education. Plus, I don't know if I would actually enjoy teaching high schoolers. Teach college?
Should I try for a PhD? Thinking about this just hurts my head. Taking Subject GREs, researching school programs that I don't know anything about, and then doing research when I don't even like research. And then there is the pay which isn't what I'm aiming for, especially for a job that isn't in my first field of choice. Ugh.

Why couldn't I just have done better in school so I wouldn't be in this situation? I almost wish it was because I didn't try hard enough.

A Shopping Tip About Sizing

I realize that buying clothes for someone else can be a difficult task, especially when the person is no where close to your size. Let me share with you this piece of advice from a 6'4'' person: just because we are tall, does not mean we're fat. Go with a LARGE size when picking out shirts if the person is tall and average weight. And by average I mean not overweight. This needs clarifying since "overweight" is becoming "average." Every Christmas my family Kris Kringle gets me a shirt/sweater that is XL, and every year I add another shirt/sweater that doesn't fit me. This year not only was my shirt an XL, but it was also a Tall XL. I kid you not when I say this shirt fit me (reminder: 6'4'') like a girl's sweater dress. Let it also be said that I loved both of the shirts I got, if only they fit me correctly. I didn't get a gift receipt with them, and one doesn't even have any tags on it, so the chances of me returning/exchange are slim.

Milk

I saw Milk this evening. It was fairly eye opening for me, seeing a little bit of what the gay rights movement in San Fran was like in the 1970's.

There was one scene in particular that spoke to me. Harvey Milk is with a group of gays talking about how they're going to get Proposition 6 (not allow gays to teach) shot down. And he makes the plan pretty simple. You need to get as many gays to come out of the closet possible, because people who know a single gay is more likely to vote for gay rights 2:1. This is a statistic that I already knew about. It was especially emotional when one of Harvey's friends admits that he never told his parents. He is then put on the spot to make the phone call. Ugh, I would not want to be in his shoes. Regardless of how great it was to come out of the closet to my parents it is NOT something I would want to do again.

This got me thinking back to my office party that I attended last night. All of the women are very open abut talking about their sex lives and nether regions. I think it's cause it's basically all women in the office, so it's the side of women most guys don't see. Add some alcohol and you basically have them stripping each other.

Of course the topic of discussion falls squarely on me. All of the women absolutely adore me. I cannot stress this enough. They start probing me about my last relationship, my last fuck, etc. I pull out the "separation of personal and professional card" and avoid answering any questions. It was not my finest hour. I don't think this totally counts as staying in the closet, but my reaction wasn't purely an issue of professionalism. This I can admit. But in all fairness announcing that you're gay to a room full of drunks at an office Christmas party is a little rough. Could you imagine that silence at a single table of 15+ people?

I'm slightly concerned about coming out at work because of the doctor. I really couldn't give two shits about any of the women I work with. But he's very Irish Catholic, conservative and judging by anecdotal evidence has no gaydar. I don't know how he would react to that situation.

As it is, he prefers it if I don't assist with female patients during Total Body Scan Examinations for the comfort of the patient, since there is a plethora of female assistants. But on the other side of the coin he does like having me around because he exclusively has me assist with male genitalia issues, and since I'm the only male it makes me especially valuable. I'm afraid that if he knows I'm gay he's going to start second guessing this decision and acting weird/feeling uncomfortable. He makes some comments towards me which are obviously a male bonding type of thing and I would prefer not to change that.

But the movie makes me feel SO GUILTY. Like what the fuck am I doing for the gay movement. I can't complain about not having rights and NOT BE OUT. People have this stereotype of gays, but me coming out can change that stereotype so quickly for the people who know me.

Ugh. More on this later...

From the Nurses Voicemail:

"Hi, I'm calling on behalf of my daughter who is a patient at your office. I was referred to your Doctor by a friend of mine for my question. My daughter has a wedding coming up and the.. err... umm... the boy has 2 brothers who have alopecia areata (patchy, not male pattern, baldness). I was wondering what kind of hereditary factors there are with this condition, like for her future children. We need to know if we should be proceeding with this marriage because of it."

True story.

Reason #1 Why I Need a Boyfriend

If waking up was a job, it would be one I would never apply for.

I generally set my alarm for 1 hour before needing to be at work. I hit the snooze button on my alarm every 5 minutes for the 30 minute max it allows. I then shower and dress in 15 minutes and leave for work. Fortunately I work 10-15 minutes away, so generally everything goes according to plan.

Today I had to be at work at 9:30AM. My alarm was set for 8:00AM. I told myself that I would keep it set at 8:00AM to allow myself some extra time to trim the facial hair. So I went through the motions on hitting the snooze button for a half hour, and at 8:30 I was almost ready to get out of bed. I told myself I still really had an hour until needing to be at work and that I would get out of bed soon.

1.5 hours later I found myself cursing at myself for falling asleep and then proceeded to call work to ensure to them that I was indeed coming in to work. Just 45 minutes late...

All things considered this is actually I huge accomplishment for me. In college I was notorious for being late for my first class of the day and it wasn't rare for me to sleep through them. I just have terrible sleeping habits and unfortunately as much I wish I could change my brain just doesn't work like that in the morning.

This is why I need a boyfriend. Someone to sleep next to me and kick me out of bed when I need to wake up. I know this makes me sound like I'm 5 years old, but I'm really not the same person when I'm all comfy in bed.

Arbitrary

I've noticed that some of the patients we have are less than than trusting of the Physician Assistants at our office. They'll often question their diagnosis when they don't like what they hear, and will show up at the office two days later seeing the physician. Sometimes the PAs never know about this, but as a Faux-Murse I know all goings on in the office.

I can understand the patient's reasoning behind wanting to see the physician. The PAs are not the definitive care in the office, and are less experienced than the physician. But the interesting thing is when they see the physician they 99% of the time agree with the assessment of the PA, and that other 1% can be chalked up to style of treatment.

A funny thing to point out is that the PAs put a lot more work into their patients than the physicians. When presented with a wart the PA will pare (scrap) before using liquid nitrogen (freezing). When a patient comes in with a face filled with close comedones (white heads) the PA will do a much more thorough job cleaning them out. The reason for this - those procedures don't get reimbursement from insurance companies, but since the P.A. income doesn't depend on reimbursement they don't care about spending extra time with them. And in reality the physician shouldn't care about spending a little extra time with the patient because it ultimately doesn't affect the number of patients they're going to see. (PS - this is the main reason why I hate private practices, because patients become nothing but a symbol of income)

I've also realized from working in healthcare that physicians are by no means perfect. I think a lot of people get caught up in the title of "Doctor." They think there is something totally magical about the profession. I was talking to a friend of mine who's in medical school that I finally realized that medicine is not as complicated as it once seemed. I use to feel very leery of explaining conditions, medications and such to patients. But after a while I realized that the things I was telling patients was the exact same thing that the physician was. It's not rocket science all the time. Medicine is not a total science. In fact, it was quite a shock to me just how arbitrary medicine can be. This is especially highlighted when patients ask the simple question, "How did this happen." We don't know how you developed that abscess on your ass, or why you have terrible psoriasis, etc.

You know back in the day when I was applying to Osteopathic Medical (DO) schools I claimed that one of the reasons I prefer ed it over Allopathic Medical (MD) programs was because they treated the cause of the condition, as opposed to the symptoms of the condition. I feel like the majority of the work we do is just treating the symptoms, because we don't truly understand the cause of the disease. We throw a bunch creams at you until one of them clears up you skin. It often seems like total guess work. And actually, that's exactly what it is.

So what am I trying to some up in this multi-directional post? I guess I'm just sharing my reflections on just how abstract medicine can be. PA vs Physician? Protopic vs Ultravate? Allergic reaction vs Arthropod Assault (bug bites)? Honestly, sometimes it doesn't even matter. Medicine is not even close to the perfect science that some people think it is. Healthcare providers are very human. You know how at your job you generally know what you're doing, but often you still need to improvise. Well as scary as it is, medicine is the same way.

Shout Out!

Big shout out to Bramasole_iowa from a forum for saying he likes my blog.

I'm a tramp for praise, regardless of the terrible Catholic guilt I'm plagued with.

It's Britney, bitch

I just heard a bunch of Britney's new songs via You Tube. Shit's hot.

Back to the Medicine

You would never be able to tell from the past few posts that this is suppose to be a medically themed blog.

Today I think I came to the realization that I can never go into pediatrics. A couple of weeks ago we had seen a 1 year old for a standard diaper rash. We recommended the appropriate barrier creams, and all was well.

Said child and parents came in today for a follow up visit, but there was a new problem. The child had evidently developed some "boils" that had developed maybe 4 days prior, but had gotten much larger overnight. I took a look and sure enough there were two very swollen lumps on this baby's inner thigh and butt.

The doctor came in and was surprised by the fact that the "boils" that the parents had described actually were in fact boils. The baby was only concerned with them when her diaper was being changed and otherwise was running around the examination room as happy as ever. He decided that he wouldn't I+D (incision + drainage) then since they didn't seem to be bothering her and antibiotics would have a good possibility of clearing it up on its own. We of course took a bacterial culture for good measure anyhow.

We were about the send them on their merry way when all of sudden the mother had a moment of clarity and innocently said, "You know, her father was hospitalized back in February for MRSA." **Screeching of tires**

Oh boy did that change everything. Sure the father had been symptom clear of a MRSA infection for a good 9 months, but you don't mess with that. An I+D was going to be done now to try to bring some relief and possibly get a better culture.

Let me tell you, telling parents that their infant has the potential of a MRSA infection was 100% harder than actually holding that screaming kid down while trying to do the I+D. They knew all too well what MRSA was and they were terrified. The look on their face almost broke my heart right there in the room. Granted, I know that a MRSA infection can be totally treated fully without any hospitalization, but I'd never seen it in such a young patient. Of course we don't know for sure if it is MRSA, but the antibiotics we gave her is going to kick the crap out of whatever that poor kid had.

Question:

Can someone please explain to me what the difference is between gay marriage and civil unions with all the perks? I hear about all these people that support civil unions but not gay marriage, and I just don't get it.

Womp Womp

Tonight didn't exactly go my way.

Presidential pick, lost.
House of Rep., lost.
Arizona Gay Rights, lost.
Florida Gay Rights, lost
Arkansas Gay Rights, lost.

Prop 8 results are coming in at a snail's pace. I can't take it anymore and will be retiring to bed, so to awake to it tomorrow morning.

I hope Obama is actually able to bring the two parties together to actually make some decisions, as opposed to this Congress we've had that has accomplished nothing the past few years.

Closet Case?

Why is this guy from college, who I was friendly with but never really hung out with, sending me shirtless model-esque pictures of himself? He often likes to tell me about his work out sessions and yadda yadda. He says he trusts my opinions, but what does he want my opinion of? We speak way more on-line, post-college, than we did in person during college.


I called him out on trying to hit on me. It was funny, but I wasn't kidding. Hopefully he doesn't get too drunk next time I go up to school ;-) Kidddddddding. (not really.)

Murse?

I'm having a career direction crisis.

Getting into PA school is looking less likely every second. The is due to a number of things. One being that I didn't get many A's in my college science classes. Evidently A's are a must, whereas I was just happy to finish the class in the B range. Another reason is that I took Vertebrate Physiology and Comparative Anatomy, as opposed to taking Anatomy and Physiology 1+2. The schools just don't care that I took the harder classes. I also got terrible grades in Organic 1+2, both C+'s. And although these classes aren't necessarily required for PA school, they hurt me nonetheless. You know for being someone obsessed with scheduling and such I really dropped the fucking ball.

Many of my patients have been telling me to go into nursing. I don't really know why. I tell them that I'm apply to PA school, and they all say "Oh, you should be a male nurse! (as opposed to a female nurse?) There is such a demand for them!!!" I'm not going to lie, when I was a stupid undergrad I totally underestimated the role of nurses and would scoff at the idea of being a nurse. I have since come to have much more respect for them.

I looked into it. I would be eligible for accelerated nursing programs, which would allow me to get a BSN in 15 months. From there I would surely find a job with ease with a salary that's pretty decent for starting, but without much upward mobility.

Something that nursing offers is international traveling. Evidently, nursing is one of the few professions that is in high demand basically everywhere. I've heard that nurses can get permanent resident visas in Australia, and can even get jobs in England which are generally impossible to get since I'm not from the EU. Since I'm a very enthusiastic traveller this would offer nice opportunities.

The other things to consider in nursing are the master's programs to become a practitioner. As an NP I would basically be the same thing as a PA, but I probably wouldn't be able to get a surgical job. I don't know how I feel about that. I think I would want to be a surgical PA, but would I really? After working in an office setting I see that I could be totally happy doing that. I've also worked with hospitalist-NPs and I think I could really enjoy doing that also. I don't think I could handle doing primary care because you just see so much routine BS. Plus the pay would suck.

So yeah, I'm in quite the conundrum. But as part of my new post-college philosophy I've decided to stop planning far into the future, because the only thing you ensure by planning for the future is that you will eventually change your plan. Assuming I don't get into a PA program I think I'm going to take Human Anatomy and Physiology this spring/summer, as well as take some psychology courses like abnormal psych and developmental, because deep down I know that since starting and finishing college I still don't know whether I like psych or bio better. Wouldn't it be funny if I became a Psychiatric NP and could prescribe meds, whereas my mom is justing finishing getting her PhD in clinical psych and she wouldn't be able to?

One or the Other

The General Election is coming up. I'm supporting McCain, but I'm not in love with him. I'm less in love with Obama. I know that my vote will matter even less because of the state I live in. There is another vote that I'm more interested in that I don't even have a say in and results will not even directly affect me. That would be Proposition 8. Do I even need to explain it?

Oh wait, some of you are from out of country. Long story short - Proposition 8 is a vote coming up in California that would ban same sex marriage. Obviously, I support its downfall. The question I pose to some people is which would you rather: Proposition 8 fail, or your choice of President succeed?

Personally I would rather Prop8 fail. Why? How could I possibly care more about that than my President? Maybe I'm selfish. But I honestly think this country is going to go through some very hard, very unavoidable times regardless of who's President. I also think it's much more important who is in control of Congress. But I also don't know who I want to be in control of Congress. I'm conservative when it comes to economics, government influence, social programs, but I'm liberal when it comes to civil rights, and believing in evolution. Even when it comes to abortion I'm totally split. I'm not pro-life or pro-choice. I honestly don't think it has (or should) anything to do with women's rights. I think when "personhood" begins is much more relevant to the discussion. (Which I believe starts with brain activity. So bascially you've got 2 months to undo your mistake.)

I hate politics. This is mainly because of parties. No one can actually support their own views. They need to compromise in order to get the support of one of the parties. Are you going to tell me there isn't one person that thinks taxes stunt economies, big business should be regulated, Steve and Drew should be able to get married, and Global Warming is total bullshit?

The Characters

Work is going well. The doctor I work for is kind of harsh, but I honestly don't care. He'll say things to me like "If you can't shake the cortisone vial before filling the syringe then what am I paying you for?" And in my head I say, "If you wanted someone skilled in preparing injections then you probably should have hired a pre-trained person. And PS - you really call that meager wage 'payment?'" That's how I get through the day, and it works. I like my job a lot and I don't let anything like that get me down.

People tell me that he's been "yelling" at my a lot. But most of the time I think of it as him just telling me the right way to do something. It's really all about how you interpret his tone of voice, and I just choose to interpret differently.

One thing that kind of sucks about my job is there is like no sense of camaraderie. People seem to be very worried about just themselves and their job, which makes it very hard to get trained. New PA, as I'll call her, is super helpful and patient with me. She's the only one who really takes the time to teach me and show me how to do things. I feel bad for her cause she's really learning too, since she hasn't even worked in Derm for a year, so I feel like a burden.

Senior PA kind of gives me an attitude when I ask questions, or that she's above that since she's a PA and not a Medical Assistant. For instance, I can't ask her how to fill out a Lab Requisition because she doesn't do that. She also doesn't seem to ask me to do that much when I'm seeing a patient with her, or expect me to write much, which is bad and good. Bad because I don't get use to writing things down or getting use to preparing procedures, good because it's less work for me. I generally like her. I just have to beware her bad side cause I know it's a beast.

Nurse, is the only actual nurse in the office. She was somewhat helpful teaching me for like the first couple days. But she's one of those people who likes to do everything and must always be doing a million things at once since the office can't go on without her. She's not that patient and basically doesn't like to be slowed down by training me. In her defense though, she does do everything and really does keep the office running smoothly.

I have become much better though recently. I think Doctor might be starting to like me. Today, Nurse was complaining about all this work she was going to have to do tomorrow and Doctor said, "Hey why don't you have Guy help you?" The task he said was obviously something that was a little advanced for me and Nurse said, "No, no, Guy has enough to get use to." Doctor then said, "Well Guy is pretty useful." It was probably one of the nicer things he's said, assuming it was sincere. He's very hard to read. He can be very sarcastic, which I generally can read well. But no one in the office can actually tell when he's serious. I often assume he's being sarcastic and will play it off that way, but people claim that little things he says here and there are actually great praise from him. Who knows. Like I said, I don't care all that much what he thinks about me.